There
was a time when Denzel Washington could say ANYTHING to me and I would pledge
my allegiance to his sweat. Well, that was up until December 22, 2013. Who knew
there would be one fictional response (even after he was Detective Alonzo
Harris & Frank Lucas) that would change my unwavering allegiance to his body
excrement?
I
was watching 2
Guns when I should have been resting for the Pleasanton Double Road
Race. In a scene, it happened:
her: Did you ever really love me?
him: I really meant to love you.
And,
there came a few real tears. Ain’t that some sh*t? Try watching a movie, having
a private emotional moment, and your friend sitting across from you on the
couch. And all these years I have loved Denzel. Who knew this day would come?
 |
| ...and that's what it means. |
She
asked an imaginary question that has been burning in my actual spirit for quite
some time. A question that I have wanted to ask with a desperation only known
to men traversing deserts in search for water and Alchemy. I want to know if he ever really loved me.
I
could just ask. It’s not like I don’t have the phone number, email, address, or
social media everything to do it. Damn technology – it would have been nice to
have an excuse NOT to ask. I could ask, and then I would know. I would really know. But, something tells me his
response is going to mirror Denzel’s line. And quite frankly, I have no time
for what that might really do to me.
He
pursued me. I think I could
accept that response if he did not pursue me. With stealth like commitment he
shot me down over foreign land #NoPassport #NoExtraditionTreaty #LoveLand. He got to know
me and pursued in ways that compelled my heart to love him, especially his
flaws. I loved his imperfections first…then I (im)perfectly loved him. I honestly
love(d) him. And honestly believed he loved me.
He
knew me. And not because I
told him who I was…hell, I don’t always know who I am! He studied my non verbal
responses, my awkward phone silence and impeccably worded text messages. He
decoded my sad eyes, sad songs and sad smiles. I think that I could deal with
that answer if he was absent in my sadness.
He
wrote me. Well, there is
indeed that. Like I need to explain to you what words mean to me. Or what I
would or wouldn’t believe if it wasn’t written (or typed).
He
gave to me. Without asking,
requests or begging, he gave to me. Liberally. Willingly. Surprisingly. As I
sit and think, much time passed before I ever asked anything of him – I mean I
made requests but never in excess or seriously. I never intended for him to do
anything for me that I wouldn’t actually do for myself. He gave to me anyway.
On purpose. Most times before I could do it for myself. That response would
make (im)perfect sense if he never gave me anything. But, he gave her
sunflowers too, so I guess there isn’t much to the giving thing. (there is, but
I’m feeling some kind of way right now)
And
though I clearly don’t have this all figured out, the question remains.
The answer does too… Maybe he honestly meant to. And maybe one day that will be
okay. Just not today.
Welp.
Needless
to say, I have not seen the end of 2 Guns.
Random Thought: Does 2 Chainz have 2 Guns?
Random Thought: Does 2 Chainz have 2 Guns?
*don't ask me where that came from, that was my honest thought, and the original title of this post*
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