Hilton: Sis, we saw on the
innanets that you’re trying to glow up your baking skills, that’s what’s up! We proud of you!
Me: Yeah… Since I can’t
go nowhere, and y’all just out here canceling people’s hotel confirmations like
that, I figured I needed to do something with this free time. I mean, I’m not mad
at y’all #COVID-19, but I’m bitter I
can’t go nowhere.
Speaking of… We
appreciate you not writing us one of those strongly worded letters about that
cancellation. And just for that, we got something for you. Look at that right there...
Wait. This not what
I think it is?
Girl.
Yassssss! Yall did
this for me? I can’t believe this. Just for lil’ol’me?
I mean, it’s like
all over the innanets, or whatever, but yeah…it’s just for you. I guess. *shrug*
LET’S
BAKE!!!!!!! Hilton DoubleTree warm Chocolate Chip Cookies!
Step
One: Cream butter, sugar and brown sugar in the bowl
of a stand mixer on medium speed for about 2 minutes.
Hey, soooooo, what’s a stand mixer?
Sis… *face palm* We thought you were baking? How you don’t have a stand
mixer?
Uh, *shrug* ‘Cause I don’t know
what that is?
What’s that over
there?
It’s a hand mixing thing with those two spinning
attachment things.
Just use that and
get a bowl. We gon’ be here all day. Shoulda neva gave you this recipe.
Also, what type of cream should this look like? Butter
cream? Sour cream? Cream of wheat? What am I aspiring towards?
Girl.
Step
Two: Add eggs, vanilla and lemon juice, blending
with mixer on low speed for 30 seconds, then medium speed for about 2 minutes,
or until light and fluffy, scraping down bowl.
Lemon juice in cookie batter? What kind of nonsense is
this?
*side eye* But you ate the cookies though? You got a lot of
questions for someone who eats like three of these cookies per day per stay. #WeBeenWatchingYou
Wow, fam. Like that? It’s just the ‘hot dog’ effect…
Just. Like. That.
Now what’s the next step? Wait… The what?
You know, once you learned what hot dogs were made of,
you had more questions – or concerns…
Whew, chile… *shakes head*
Step
Three: With mixer on low speed, add flour, oats,
baking soda, salt and cinnamon, blending for about 45 seconds. Don’t overmix.
Okay, so about the oats. The recipe had said get rolled
oats but the grocery store only had steel oats
and these quick Quaker oats. Since the Quaker container had quick on it, I figured
that was better than steel, so I got these. What you think?
We think, you think
too much. Just… You know what… Just throw’em in there. *deep ancestral sigh*
Aye, you know, I always wondered if recipes really
meant pinch the herbs or whatever and throw it in. Does a pinch really make a
difference? Also, since this is the Era of COVID-19, I’mma just spinkle a lil’ cinnamon. I don’t
wanna accidentally cross contaminate anything.
*turns and walks out of the kitchen* *looks for wine rack*
Step
Four: Remove bowl from mixer and stir in chocolate
chips and walnuts.
Okay, so I know you’re
gonna get mad, but let me tell you. The store only had these mini chocolate
chips. And well, there weren’t any walnuts, so I got pecans. The chocolate
chips are semi-sweet though, soooo…
It’s
your world, Love. I’m just here so I won’t get fined…for being outside…because
of the whole, you know, Shelter-In-Place thing. *sips wine*
Step
Five: Portion dough with a scoop (about 3
tablespoons) onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper about 2 inches
apart.
Wait
a minute! You know what parchment paper is? You own a whole roll of it, and you
got tripped up at stand mixer. Help me understand this! *arms outstretched*
Oh, yeah, about that. I thought
it was foil. I grabbed the wrong thing. I saw a package in Italian, and I was trying
to figure out the translation by comparing the packaging to the other stuff in
the aisle and got distracted.
What
does it say about me that your explanation makes complete sense to me and is
not shocking or surprising at all? *sips more wine*
Step
Six: Preheat oven to 300°F. Bake for 20 to 23
minutes, or until edges are golden brown and center is still soft.
I can’t believe it! I did
it! They’re in the oven, there’s baking happening in there! I’m so excited!
I
can’t believe it either. Honestly and truly. *pulls blanket over legs and turns back towards
the television*
Step
Seven: Remove from oven and cool on baking sheet for
about 1 hour.
This was awesome! And,
while they don’t exactly taste like yours, they’re still pretty good.
*tastes cookie* You
had a praying Grandmother, didn’t you? *smirks* I’m
impressed!
Soooo, what are we baking
next?
*sips wine* *pulls blanket over rest of body*
If
you get the chance, give the
Hilton Double Tree (warm) Chocolate Chip Cookie recipe a try! You might have
to go to a few different stores to get all the ingredients you need, but it
will be well worth it! Oh, and get you some vanilla ice cream too!
You’re
welcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment