Guess What? GRATITUDE is officially Un-Canceled! *woot*woot*

Yall know that us runners and runner’ish beings are feeling some kinda way about the world. Specifically, for those of us who don’t own or like treadmills, getting those miles in when the world is shut down by the time the streetlights come on is stressful. Stress. Full. Bruh. However, all of us, are suffering similarly as we get those flight and hotel cancellations and credits, automatic deferrals to next year, or conversions to the virtual participation of a race we’ve been anticipating since paying the race fee.

We’re using the money we’ve saved to order face masks to go with our running outfits, or are mapping out trails in which people are adhering to the #PhysicalDistancing #StaySocialTho directives, because people do all kinds of math at work, but can't seem to calculate 6 feet between strangers.

Some of us are having first world struggles. Meanwhile, the Un-Canceled Project was feeling the tension and came up with this really great way to get that runner’s high and all that comes with it and #StaySafe at the same time. Check them out!  The Un-Canceled Project and after you sign up, request to join their Facebook Group. Trust me. This will be fun.

You not only get to set your race calendar, you get to decide how many events you do, and specifically how you get those miles. Yep, that’s right – you don’t even have to run them all, because let’s face it, you might need to stay inside. It’s not too safe out there. Here’s how it works: The Instructions!

For this past week, April 1 to April 5^th, my races were 10k and 5k. If you’re not able to run, 1 mile = 15 to 20 minutes of exercise. I’m using 20 minutes in my conversion because I’m also #Baking while I’m #SafeInside. Here’s how I got my miles:

10k = 6.2 miles

Running: 4.75 miles

Exercising: 29mins/1.45 miles

   [Math: 6.2mi – 4.75mi = 1.45mi; 1.45mi x 20min = 29mins]

5k = 3.1 miles

Running: 2.31 miles

Exercising: 16mins/0.79miles

    [Math: 3.1mi – 2.31mi = 0.79mi; 0.79mi x 20min = 15.8mins; round up to 16mins]

…and you know what, I’m feeling hella grateful. Because there is so much GRATITUDE, let me tell you about some of it (and more)!

1.   I get to do math yall! You know how much I like math. Yes, I’m still mad that growing up I did not know the story of Hidden Figures. I’m still hella bitter about that. I digress. The fact that I can run as far as I can safely, get back inside, and calculate the minutes I need to exercise to complete my race literally gives me an energy like none other. Like, I probably won’t run the full distance of any of these races this month JUST SO I CAN DO MATH. It’s that important to me.

2. I am connecting more online. Wasn’t that the purpose of social media anyway? I’m just realizing that I wasn’t using it to connect in real, intentional, and meaningful ways, until it was THE ONLY WAY I could reach some people. Being honest, I began feeling this when my sister moved to Shanghai to teach. I can connect with her via social media, WeChat, and her awesome blog. The fact that I can’t see her stresses me sometimes, especially when there’s a pandemic happening outside our windows. That stress is exponential knowing that even if I wanted to see people, it’s probably a bad idea because that asymptomatic impact is real. The stress decreases with every notification, virtual happy hour invite, and letter I write. Yes, I still handwrite letters and put stamps on them, and go to the Post Office.

3. I have always been kind to those now dubbed #EssentialWorkers, as my parents served in such capacities their whole lives. While I’m not grateful for our current circumstance, I am grateful that the importance of store clerks, custodial personnel, transportation providers, teachers, (etc) is being highlighted during this time. There is collective thanks and gratitude for their service, and an outpouring of love, respect, and support to them, just as we are (and should) our medical/health professionals. I just hope we keep this same energy when the world heals to ensure essential personnel receive essential pay.

4. Running has been such a powerful experience for me. Anytime I think of my time pounding the pavement, I think to my experience joining a Ragnar Team for Ragnar Hawaii (2016) #NotFastJustFurious. I had not met a single person physically, yet I flew to Hawaii, to join my team, and run around the big island. It hadn’t dawned on me that I traveled clear across the Pacific Ocean and didn’t technically know anyone until I was knocking on the hotel room door. In Hawaii. What is likely a cautionary tale about safety, turned out to be one of the best running and social experiences of my life. And here I go again… I don’t know none of yall, but I’m excited for the connections that come from this #PhysicallyDistantAndSocial experience!

5.    …and probably the source of my gratitude fueling this week – phone calls! My sleeping schedule has been off these past few weeks. So, when I got a video call Wednesday morning (4/1/20) I was soooo irritated. (the indignity!) It was my sister calling to tell me about my niece, to have me mediate on of their “spats” now that she, like many of you are WFH while distance learning with the kid(s). I answered but was VERY annoyed. As soon as I got off the phone, a friend called me, also WFH, to shoot the breeze during her “break” time. If not for those calls, I likely would have snoozed the alarm, and missed the opportunity to get up and get active. It just so happened that as I was finishing my miles, the creek trails started to get busy, which is what I wanted to avoid. What a blessing! I’m so grateful for all the human alarms in my life, waking me up, at just the right time!

This is tough. We have all adjusted, to differing degrees, to help #FlattenTheCurve. While I’m not as comfortable as I once was getting my miles in on the trails like I used to, I am so blessed, so grateful to be virtually connected to so many people around the world who are #StayingSafeInside and #BeingSafeOutside!

April 6^th – 12^th is about HOPE!

Join me! #virtually

Show All Your Work – #PartialCredit

It was not until this one day, I heard a man speaking, that I seriously questioned the validity of, the road to hell being paved with good intentions. There have been some occasions in which this phrase was referenced that gave me serious pause. But others where it right nicely made sense of what, prior to its reciting, occurred.

Because there is indeed a road to hell. And my friends, it is paved with something. I just don’t believe it is our good intentions.

We believe that because we are an outcomes-based society. We do not care about how direct deposit works. As long as that account balance is positive on the 1^st and 15^th, we do not question the manpower it once took to configure the proper accounts to the correct pay. Footlocker has yet to experience difficulty selling Nike’s, despite all we hear about sweatshops. And me. I have not googled, not even “that one time when”, how they create all the beautiful things I see in Build-A-Bear. I am content to go half on a baby. #butnotonthepricetag

We got no cash for those daggone "S's"...

But here is a better example. I was a stellar student from Kindergarten to PhD currently in progress. I can count the number of bad grades I ever received in my entire lifetime on 1 hand, with fingers to spare. That is not me boasting. That is me lamenting on those unsuccessful displays of my aptitude. I brought a report card home that had maybe 23 A’s (because you got hella grades on those 8 x 14 carbon copy report cards) and 1 B+. Literally, 1 B+ on the entire report card. I was disappointed that I could not say to my Godmother that term that I got “Straight A’s”…but I was satisfied kinda, with my work. My father gave me a kiss on the forehead and told me I did a great job. When my mother got a look at that thing, she said, Hmph…looks like you might need to watch less TV. and went on about her night.

And that was an actual quote. I had the best intentions to get good grades. Did all my homework. Performed excellently on tests. Listened to my teacher. Paid attention in class. Took copious notes. Studied what I did not understand. I did all that. She was only concerned with the outcome I did not produce – Straight A’s. And though she did not punish me, there were no kisses.

What am I saying here? Glad you thought that question.

The road to hell is paved with the stuff you find in hell. It is not paved with our good intentions. Not at all. The effort of a 10-year-old attempting to achieve another Straight A report card is not in hell. It is not paved with parents admonishing their children to correct them, only to have them go off and do treacherous things. It is not paved with my attempts to love and understand, though they lead to break up. Nope. It’s definitely not paved with that. Because if it is really love, it is God.  #itwasreallyloveNE,promise

God is overjoyed when we do our best ¹⁰that ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God; #IColossians1 #PaulWroteSomeEpicLettersHuh? Because He, unlike me, knows that I can never be perfect – but my good works can bear some tasty produce! Though, I want to get 100% every time, I was not made to be perfect. I was made to be flawed, so that my youngest sister would know and see resilience. So that I might have a story to share with a college freshman during her first heartbreak. So that I might learn how to save myself, from my worst attempts at being my best self.

Beating myself (or me, or I) up because I forgot to pray last night before bedtime is important, in the sense that I should remember to have a lil talk with Jesus regularly, but to bear His cross? That was already done. He cares about my heart. He cares about each and every time my heart sets out to love others in my actions. Each time I mean to love, the way that He loves me. And each time I do that, it will not always turn out right – because humanity is flawed. My words will be misinterpreted. My actions will be misconstrued, and my sincere gratitude will get missed.

And some of you will see those less than stellar outcomes and pour my intentions in the concrete mix, make a stone, and with mortar add another brick to the road to hell. Only, you have not been paving that road at all. You have been creating a path to salvation. Look up. There is light all about you.

You know what I appreciated most about Math Class, as compared to other subjects? While there was a clear right answer, just one right answer, you did not lose all the points on the problem. That was if, and only if, you showed all your work. That way, the instructor could determine if you interpreted the problem wrong from the beginning (but were correct in your wrong interpretation – math nerds like me understand this), inverted a mathematical symbol, or inadvertently circled the wrong answer at the end.

God is doing the same thing with us every single day. He knows when we leave the house with a heart meant to do evil, or if we set out to change the world. And at each step, He is giving us points, when He sees our good work. When He sees us get it right we get partial credit – even if the world believes us wrong – even if the outcome is wrong. You actually get A’s for effort with Jesus. *not with my mama tho*

Some of you will read this and not be convinced. You will continue on believing that dark road is paved with the best of my life’s intended works. But really, how can it be? If I am doing the work of Him who created me, reading His word, and living life every day aimed at being more like Him – then I am creating light.

I have never walked on the road to hell – or seen it. But something tells me, there is no light.

Skipping A Few Milestones. . .

A friend asked me a question. His inquiry? What were your three milestones from 2013? We were days away from 2014, and often we find ourselves introspecting about the year. I mean, it’s inevitable. That damn tab on Facebook reminds you daily to look at your year in review.

I was stumped. As I usually am when someone wants to know something that seems so impersonal about you. Mostly because I tend to make these things, my introspection, my thoughts, my heart, so damn personal. And true to my fashion, I stuttered my way through the answer. Though the answer I will write with much more clarity and cohesion.

Because, those were my three milestones in 2013. Writing.

I was recognized professionally for my writing. I was revealed personally for my written work. I made my compositions public. And in that, I began peeling back another layer of me.

Professionally… While working at my previous institution, I was a member of one of our regional professional organizations. I used my membership in that organization to contribute (per Dr. Smith’s orders) to my field by writing a few publications. One article, inspired by recent student conduct related incidents, seemed to catch the attention of many professional colleagues. My Roommate Posted This About me on Facebook! was born from countless hours of reconciling the implications of social media behavior in the real “res life” world. Unbeknownst to me, that work was selected by the editing board for Article of the Year. My Residence Hall Directors came back from the conference with my plaque and congratulatory wishes.

This was not the first piece I’ve written professionally. It will not be the last. But it was then that I realized that when it comes to my career…I am indeed a writer. An award winning one!

Personally… So, I kinda maybe sorta wrote a book. I mean, my Mommie told me to do it. What is it? Hate you asked! I entitled the “book” I’m So Gurley (Girlie)…Pun Intended because I promised Richard Davis when we were in High School that if I ever (never) wrote a book, I would make that the title. I try to keep my word.

So the story written in that book…is just as disjointed as the author. Literally. Just as disjointed as her life. Knowing her, you would not want it any other way. It’s part of the charm. In the series of falls, late night duty calls and other epic failures, she managed a few successful minutes and a couple of achievements. She wished at one point in time for her life to be different, to be kinder, to resemble something of what she dreamed it would be. But it was harder, sadder, and lonelier than she could have ever imagined. Somehow, she laughed a little, loved a little more and lived it all.

Yes…the first personal publication I automatically wrote was the biography of a life I’m learning to live. I had been working on it for quite some time. It was not until 2013 that I had courage enough to share it. Share it in whole. Completely. With people who don’t automatically love me. I had no intention of that document making it past my internal hard drive.

So! I finished reading your work on the plane last night and it was great! I had no idea you were such a good writer with so many adventures! Lots of travel in and outside of the country and such an eclectic group of friends. Your motherly nature is very obvious in the young people you have worked with and even the men you have loved or have liked. That's a good thing and depending on who you nurture...well, you know. It read like a journal of sorts to me with different entries at different times. The themes were clear, though and that makes you a consistent writer. Thank you for sharing with me...it was my honor to read! I learned so much about you... #FMB

Publicly… Now this one? You would think that sharing an alleged book I maybe wrote is public, but it isn’t. It’s still a controlled environment in many ways. Yes I shared it with people who don’t have to tell me what I want to hear, but we have a trust that what I’ve shared with them, is for them. And them alone. So really, it’s still kinda personal. But say for instance you create, I don’t know, A Blog…and you entrust your inner thoughts to all of the internets in the world, then it’s kinda public.

There’s going to be many posts about running. Because another milestone (that I’ve reserved for 2014) is running! It’s Medal Monday! It’s 14 Start Lines, 14 Finish Lines and 14 Shiny Medals! And there is plenty to talk about when it comes to running. Eboogie (aka Alicia Keykey aka the real donut monster #nomnomnom) gave me three posts to begin working on already: “having big boobs”, “running with big boobs”, and my personal favorite, “using your boobs to provide a resting place for your friend’s head after running”. But anyone who knows my disjointedness knows that there will be a few tangents. Because life isn’t just about cosine’ing. There are sines, tangents, and 360 other degrees out there to graph.