Running Is Madness #WeRunAnyway

From time to time we'll pass the pen in this piece because I can't do all this writing and running by myself. Hell, I'm not doing all this running by myself! #RunLikeHella #OaklandMarathonRelay #Leg2... Anyway, here's one of my favorite people to rock, run, poorty, pass out and shenanigan with, my homey-running-friend...EBoogie aka Alicia Keykey aka...or actually, kbtgasma (known by the government and sallie mae as) Erin Hamer... Let's have it homey!

Why do bad things happen to good people? I pay my tithes, I assist patients on dialysis, and I eat my vegetables (and makes Lee eat them too)! So when last year’s California International Marathon, better known as the “CIM” rolled around, I expected nothing but greatness! I mean, this was my 3rd year running it in a row. Every year has been great; this year should be no different, right? WRONG. Dead WRONG.

Let me educate you: The CIM is a marathon almost as old as me. It’s been a favorite of all runners since its first race on December 4, 1983. Crazy participants may choose to over exert themselves and run the entire 26.2 miles on their own while others (who have sense #likeus) sign up for the reasonable relay challenge.  The relay challenge allows you and 3 other under achievers (lol!) to divide the 26.2 into 4 parts thus making the marathon more manageable. My friends and I signed up for the race and I was given the 3rd leg which was 7 miles. 

So... I complete my 7 miles like a pro...it’s nothing. It’s a lifestyle. I pass the timing leg strap to my girl so she can bring it home with the last leg and I search for my husband to get a lift to the finish line (and a mimosa). After about 45 minutes of walking the streets of Sacramento, I realize “it’s” happening. Yes, I’m unable to use my mobile phone due to a battery that keeps going dead. Yes, there’s no way I’m going to get to my husband because of all the barricades. And finally YES, I’m going to have to run the rest of this race in order to stay warm and get to my people thus making me run an additional 6 miles! My face at this epiphany...

After this horrid experience, it led me to join a conversation with other runners who shared their experiences where they too had this face. I’ve collected a few of my favorites for your reading pleasure.

How much is Lee's life insurance policy again? #HisDaysAreNumbered

THAT LOOK ON A RUNNER’S FACE WHEN...

·        ...someone who doesn’t run tells you that your times are slow. (exactly)

·         ...your mom (or that girl from that dumb @$$ show) says, “Let’s do a marathon!” but really means a 5k. (#icant with yall!)

·         ...your Nike Fuel Band didn’t register 1/2 of your marathon time...sigh

·        ...a teen or inexperienced volunteer says, “You’re almost there honey” and you’re only at mile 6 of a half marathon. (I always cry real tears here)

·        ...an onlooker reads my hat and says “Black Girls Run”?? and laughs hysterically.

·        ...the person running beside you shoots out a big snot rocket.

·        ...they move the finish line and you swore you just saw it! Delirious!

·        ...you check your bank statement/credit card and see that you spent more on race fees than groceries for the month. (#MyEntireBankingLife)

·        ...there’s a 10 deep line for the only porta potty on the route.

·        ...you see the volunteers mixing the Gatorade with their hands.

·         ...you train for a simple 5k, arrive to the race and discover it’s a 10 mile trail run. (the swindle)

·        ...you finish the 13 and realize you still have the 0.1 to go. (I've actually thought about stopping at this point)

And finally, for our awesome Blogger-In-Chief, Nateezy (fo sheezy, a.k.a. Beyonté)...

·        When there’s no medal for a run! Say what?!!! (Vegas 2011... #neverforget)

Despite all of the shenanigans, I love to run. Running is a mental sport...and we’re all insane!

To Know Him, Is To Want Him...

To know what one does not have, one must first know of all the things they possess. That sounded all deep and ish, huh? Not really. I know. I just wrote it because I need to tell you all (…all the pain he’s caused #musicbreak) about 5 things that I want, that I currently do not have right now, because well…people have questions that need answers.

There are things like a great black purse that’s functional for all kinds of events, or a lighter laptop because I’m deathly afraid of whatever century this is (which one is it again?), a purple pen to write in my journal with, dark chocolate, some roller skates to call my own, a painkiller #WeRockedTheCorner #CodeBlack, a pedicure (it’s rough around these parts, yo), a new book to read, and really, above all, a gottdarn vacation! Whew, they worked a sitsa hard this February…

And I’m sure that would have answered the question, but Gallup says I’m an overachiever, so those aren’t the things I’m going to tell you about. Because they sound silly. So I told the question asker:

I just don’t think about the things I don’t have…or at least I try not to…

         

Well, what do you want? Everyone has wants…

Hot damn! He’s right *please keep that between us* #IAppreciateYourDiscretionInThisMatter. We all have things we want. And if you ask Miss FMB, we can have what we want! Just get a little strength, courage and wisdom to say it! *pause for praise break*

This shoe changed my life. In ways you could not imagine.

Like the Jessica Simpson Ely powder multi-colored pump that I quite literally moved the earth to find. Oh, you thought that random quake in Virginia last year was just Mother Nature having an especially bad cramp? Naw pimp, that was me, on the hunt, for that shoe!

If you’re looking at those wants glass half empty and lukewarm on a Texas summer day, then sure, they are things you don’t have! And nothing about that feeling quenches your thirst. But we are not about that life in these parts. Our mason jar of sweet tea is half full, chilled to perfection, on an 80° day in San Diego, okay? Okay…

Sunflowers: I love sunflowers. This is no secret. If we played the glad game or the game where you have to list all of the things that make you happy, sunflowers are on it! I love them. Surprise ones are the best. There is this flower shop across from a Starbucks I frequent when I take Caltrain in to work. I stop by at lunch downtown and purchase one from time to time. I imagine when I grow up and grow down some roots somewhere, that place will have sunflowers everywhere! Kinda like my friend Dolores… She loves them too!

Season Tickets: I loooooove sports! And being back in California I am Lovin It…I get to see Pac 1210 games! I need that good ole Young Alumni home games sports package! I can see it now, weekly trips to the Rose Bowl…and weekend trips to the Wooden Center! I’ll get to Haas, Maples, Memorial & Stanford Stadiums for the away games! 8 Claps, Go Bruins, and U – C – L – A all the way!

 …because aside from being beautiful, my mother always wanted me to be a Bruin.

Smart Device: So some of you all know the story of my phone. I have a slide out keyboard phone because, well…texting. I actually love this phone. But, I suppose in whatever year this currently is, it is not the most functional device. Everyone is sooooo plugged in. So, I was having drinks with my friend. My phone vibrated on the bar. He looked over at it and said, You’re a smart girl, but that’s a dumb phone. The horror!!! …and then proceeded to show it off like a relic at a Natural History Museum.

Eboogie and CJC just praised God and they don’t know why. It is because I’m admitting that I currently do not have a smart device (well except for the iPod my former RHD surprised me with because she refused to let me replace my mp3 player with another mp3 player…thanks Boo!) and I could see the potential benefit of a smarter device to text from. And maybe do other things from. I’m sure one of my students will show me how to use it. If I get one.

Can it come with a slide out keyboard though or nah?

Sponsorship: I did not think about how expensive #14in2014 was going to be! I mean, there are soooo many races I want to do, and soooo many I’m not doing because of the bottom registration line. I work in education. In California…and well, budget. The bank had an almost 2-week hold on my first paycheck because they said the funds weren’t available yet. When the teller inquired about my employer, I responded, the State, the State of *&^%$ lovely California…#ICANT and #icant…afford all these daggone races, by myself.

*passes the collection plate around*

Support: So, in news that’s borderline TMI, I went undergarment shopping with my baby mama LG this past summer, because, well…boobies need love too. I was all prepared to tell the lady my measurements and buy one of those cute expensive two for whatever price bras, because well…peer pressure. Only problem was, my bras were not on the cute people racks. You know, where they have all the color options, styles, types and accessories to match? She walked me to the smallest corner of Mordor the shop and said I can pick for this hanger, or that one. No “two for” options or anything…I could either get with this, or that. The choice was mine.

Back to what I was talking about. I’m still dealing with my unresolved issues about not being able to shop at Victoria’s Secret. Now I have to go to this place for some nice looking support. And Lord knows I need it. I need that bra. That go-to bra that I love. That goes with everything. That adjusts to my every emotion, hormonal imbalance and time of day! It needs to be purple, of course. Ever since getting the news that I needed to upgrade the size of my bras, I haven’t found the one.

…and a bonus!

…my Somebody’s Son: Oh yes, that guy. I just love this term from my KSJ. That’s exactly who he is. Some wonderful woman had a son, who is waiting to hold me tight and be my somebody. And it’s just not for valentine’s days or special holiday moments or new year’s kisses. Sure, there will be some of that, and I certainly won’t refuse a millisecond of it. It’s for the secret codes. The words and hashtags that only make sense to us. Or the special “just because” surprises, the laughs when the other falls, the silent moments listening to tears, and sitting in movies you don’t want to see – trying not to fall asleep. It’s running without training, or talking about your financial future, which apparently has nothing to do with the upcoming DSW sale & bag giveaway #whoknew?. Begging for 10 more minutes of sleep, vacations to anywhere but right where we were, and music…never ending music. Listening #notlistening to my incessant planning #nagging while ironing our clothes, football games, and the stare down when we have come to the last slice of my Mama’s sweet potato pie #notmymama’spie. Yea. Especially that.

But I don’t know who he is. Or where he be. What he does for a living. The music he listens to. You could have him in a line up and I wouldn’t be able to point him out. I’ve imagined him though. He smells like peace. He looks like kindness. His eyes are warm. He is taller than pain. He is stronger than pride. He’s the place my love was especially designed for.

The place for my love is especially, specifically designed for is something that I do not have now, that I want.

…and a ginger ale!

Your turn, sucka!  #thatwasactuallyseventhingsnotcountingthe2ndparagraph

My Math Sucks. . .

And I’m ashamed to admit my undergraduate institution and course work. If I did, you would not give me an excuse for having math that does not seem to add up, like this math, in front of me. #GetYourCalculator #ImGoingSomewhereWithThis

You know what’s up…you have been reading the blog. #14in2014. Did I tell you how this started? KD, EBoogie and I were chatting it up on Facebook. We came up with this grand idea of doing it big in 2014. 14 Medal Races. Oh, and a call in to Cash Money to sponsor our race entry fees and outfits. I mean, “Bling, Bling”… Juvenile? Get it? Get it? Got it? Good. Because we’re running around a city near you.

We were clear about this. Solamente 14 races and solamente 14 medals. So let’s take a look at the math and see what happens. Scratch paper?

For starters, when I created the document to track the races I wanted to do, you’ll notice on each line there’s a Fog City Run entry. How cool would it be to run at 6:30pm in San Francisco. $5.00 race entry and a beer at the finish! Sounds cool right? Welp, it’s on the list. #12Races

Oh, and I have to go back to Vegas right?  I mean, the Strip must be done At Night! On My List! #Plus1

EBoogie and I still have yet to Color Ourselves Rad so we are totally doing that in June. Check. #PlusAnother

Oh My Gee…The Bay Area ROC Race! It’s totally a birthday present to myself, and my health insurance provider. I mean obstacles, right. I have to just have to make this happen. Like seriously. Have you seen the photos on the website?! #StillAdding

Then there are the random #notrandom emails from my CJC! Oh I thank Him for her! #BlessGodInThisPlace. Gmail was not ready for the ridiculousness in our exchanges. Fortunately, Facebook is just ratchet enough to look over our tags, and hashtags. This means, Wine Country is happening because, well… Wine #itsnotthatdifficulttoconnectthecorks #thatslikeanother2races…

The answer is 7. 

There are 35 races on my calendar. I have 2 race series that are totally happening: #IRunTheBay and #IRock&RunTheCoast… Both come with an additional medal to commemorate the fact that I’m basically, well, a Boss. #GetAtMeBruh… Three scheduled race conflicts because I can’t decide which race I want to do yet. Partially because one of the race series kinda sorta conflicts with another event that friends want to do and I would like to attempt to physically be in two places at one time WHILST RUNNING in addition to the #14kindamorethan14in2014  #ImSuperHuman. In July, get this…I am planning to run in Davis in the evening, then leave that evening and run in Marin in the morning, because, well…some medals glow in the dark. And if that was not enough in October, I am going to actually endeavor to run a race, in the morning, then get on a plane THAT EVENING, to run another race in that next morning – start and finish lines more than 300 miles away.

Oh, and I still have to plan a race with my cuzzin KMG, my homey-love-my-sisters from UCA, and I’m totally running Tennessee with that Sees Candies hater! I may even make it to DC for some color running with my cousin from my Mama’s Milwaukee brother #notreallycousins  #youseewhatIdidthere… I need to get my Nike race scheduled. I mean you had me at Tiffany’s, but the ante and upped exponentially when you said firemen. Um… Yea. That. These events will fit in easily with staff recruitment, training, professional development, shoe shopping, happy hour, Build-A-Bear, the NBA Playoffs, NFL Draft and well, Jesus – because Sunday comes once a week, without fail. Now, throw all that into the proof and prove it! #ShowAllYourWorkForFullCredit…

So, did your derivative not equal ∏? Thought so.

When I figure out how you did it, it's on.

Don’t let me sell you this dream without a little haggling over the price. Sure I’m hashtagging and retweeting this as #14in2014, but this is some Good Will Hunting type of ish. And you’re that professor guy trying to salvage the remains of how all of this makes sense. Because to me, it makes complete sense. It is so easy, it perplexes me that you are legitimately confused. Why don’t you get it? You don’t get it – and, well, I kinda understand. You might not ever get it. 

Until you get it.

Until you get your race bib. And your swag bag at your first race expo. And your free trial size packet of jelly belly energy beans and gu. And your first record, to have a number to compare your next race to #PRorDIE. And those voices reciting the name on your race bib as you hit Mile 4. And medal. Until you get that medal in your hand. Around your neck. Shining like a diamond. And you turn around and look back at the finish line you just crossed.

Then your math will suck to. And it won’t equal ∏. But your mathematical calculations will always balance.

To date, I have run in 3 races. This means I should have 3 medals, right? Well, I have 2 medals and a really awesome jacket. Told you…

Still balanced.

I Can’t Carry This Yoke, By Myself

I saw a family being baptized. And the tears came streaming down. Not quite like the blood #ofJesus, but more like a leaky faucet. Steady. Consistent. Unyielding. Same volume of water and salt in each tear. As sure as the spirit of God flowed in that place, those tears swelled in my eyes, almost matching my heartbeat.

And I wondered why? This was not the first time I have seen a person being submerged into their new life. Hello, my father #TheGoodReveredDoctor? Fathers. Sisters. Kids. All of them. Wading in the water, to be baptized, because they found religion #NoneButTheRighteousShallSeeGod. Each one, taking a single step, on the profession of their faith, in a God, they will come to know better.

We naturally select the wrong people, don't we?

#Amen.

Then it hit me…

¹⁴ Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? #IICorinthians6

I have often interpreted those words as being on the same page with the other person about everything. The big things, right? Marriage. Kids. Where to live. Which family gets which holiday. Music. Bank Accounts. All of that. Because it is never going to work if you cannot come to an agreement (not compromise, agreement) on these things, right? Ri-, Well…

Well. I suppose that is one way to see things. And if you do, then you are absolutely right #DoYou. It makes perfect sense to be in perfect agreement about all of that. Those are the things that some of the longest, happiest of lives are made of.

But, I think, it is meant for at least me, to make imperfect sense of it. Kind of like that family did. Part of me doesn’t really care if my somebody’s son #KSJ and I agree on all those things people say matter…

Marriage: If we are happy together, right then, right where we are, then what more could I want, right then? Nothing. Anyway you bless me, I'll be satisfied. #NameThatArtist

Kids: That’s what nieces, nephews, godchildren and other people’s tax write-offs #bitter #ItsStillTaxSeason are for…at least until we figure it out. Here’s to spending a life’s savings on candy, at Chuck-E-Cheese and at Build-A-Bear figuring it out! #WeAreYourGoToBabySitters4DateNight #MakingBabiesInBAB

Where to live: Now I cannot stand Delta Airlines. But, I love frequent flyer miles. You pretty much know where I’m going with this one. You can rent anywhere.

Holidays: We are not arguing over this one. We are following the sweet potato pie. That is quite frankly the only fair way to decide. Where the pie is plentiful, so shall me, myself, I, my heart and my fork be. Eating. From the middle. #NotSharingWithHim

Music: Thank you Lord for Dre Beat-Em-Up headphones and separate iTunes accounts. Not that I know exactly how to use either of those things. Fact is, they exist, so that our union might be blessed. I don’t care anymore about a musically unavailable¹ man… *in my Keyshia Cole voice* “I’ve changed my mind…”

Bank Accounts: As long as my card is not declined, what exactly is my issue here?? If DSW doesn’t have a problem, why should I? I won't. I will have trouble, however, finding a place for those shoes.

 #weseewhatyoudidthere

Because here is what matters, again, at least to me: On some predetermined-by-God day, we will wake up. We will profess our individual and collective faith in God and the unknown ahead of us. We put on un/matching white outfits. And regardless of the fact, that in our former lives we did or did not do this, we will approach the water. To be baptized. Together. …and get some of that good ole folks’ religion Marvin was singing about.

And something is telling me, if that yoke is equal, the other ones will balance themselves out in time.

With prayer. And fasting. And headphones.

_____

¹Musically Unavailable: [Myoo-zik-lee · Uhn-a-vey-luh-buhl] adjective: Quite simply, this dude listens to bull-ish music like Soulja Boy, 2 Chainz, and thinks that Puff Daddy is a better rapper than 2Pac or Nas. The hell? Nope. It was never going to work. Ever. You’re actually glad he’s unavailable. I wish I could lock this dude in a padded room while jazz played – Joe Sample, Charlie Parker, Horace Silver, Miles Davis, Louis Armstrong, hell,  even Dave Koz...just music...no damn words! P-Diddy tho? Not on my watch. That Ciroc tho?? Genius. Pure (peachy) genius!