Signs Up To Run 5K. Complains About Walking A Mile.

...why in the holy heck is there no damn parking for this race that doesn’t have me walking from the Red Sea to Jerusalem?! Yo, I cannot STAND racing events with limited parking, parking you have to pay for, or NO DAMN PARKING at all?! I’m about to RUN and you expect me to get there, how exactly? Oh, you must think I’m going to run from the house, to the Start Line, to the Finish Line, then back home? GTFOHWTBS!

That was the conversation I had with my friend yesterday. That was how I opened up #14in2014 with someone I've been encouraging to run the #408K with me in #March2014. And he managed to mile his way through my madness with a simple statement... "Signs up for 8K, complains about walking a mile." I told you. My friends are jerks. Funny. But jerks nonetheless...

That hot chocolate was hella good tho'!

So, the first race of the year was the Hot Chocolate 5K in San Francisco. The race was scheduled for Sunday, but it might as well been on Saturday! I was up so damn early, I’m not exactly sure it wasn’t still Saturday… It started at 7:30am! WTH Man?! This is when my craze for running gets the best of me. I get so wrapped up in the gimmick (ie: will run for chocolate) to overlook the details (ie: yo butt is running for chocolate before the sun comes up).

I should read more. 

Anyway, my friend came to visit me, so we decided to do the 5K instead of the 15K. It just made sense… Sight-seeing, partying, late nights, early mornings, shopping, etc… #logistics. I went back and forth about doing this race. I mean, c’mon…there is NO MEDAL! Who does that? Who has a race without bling? #rude

#14in2014 is ALL about me, but it’s also ALL ABOUT the other people in my life! I want others to join me in this process. That means I’m probably going to do more than 14 Races… For all the “running” I have done, there are many people who will always be joining me for the first time. I’m totally going to pop soooo many running cherries this year! I'm poppin cherries like rappers pop bottles!!! Yaaasssssss!!!!! I am going to run, as many miles as it takes, to garner support for my most noble-personal cause. 

And I’m dipping this first popped cherry in chocolate!

Saturday, 6:00pm: I think going to a house party is a great idea! We’ll go, dance, sip, and make it back to get some sleep for that 5:00am wake up call. This is totally possible.

Saturday, Wine O’Clock: Man…let’s get some Jack N The Box eggrolls!!! Yasssssssss!!!

Sunday, 5:00am: Nope. It ain’t happening. “Just 10 more minutes…then I’ll get up…” Negotiations continued for an additional 10 minutes, 5 minutes, 8 minutes and 6 minutes…

Sunday, 5:50am: *showering*

Sunday, 7:15am: You know, it should be illegal to be this damn cold. My ovaries felt that chill. Looks like I won’t have to freeze any of my eggs because they are now ice cubes! This ain’t it… Can I get my hot chocolate right now?

Start: Man, I got this…

Mile 1: Get. Out. Of. My. Way! Dear Father God In Heaven there are soooo many people out here… Trying to navigate through this sea of run/walkers is like playing PacMan. Yo, we need some additional directional cones or something. I promise I’m about to run somebody’s kid over. This can’t be all there is…

Mile 2: Yea, about running in San Francisco… What is it with all these inclines? I can’t… We’re inside the gottdarn Golden Gate Park and there are still hills and valleys. I cannot. Whoa…watch that puddle Pimp. Whew… Thanks Pimp. (yes, I politely ‘conversate’ with myself)

            *Janelle Monaé…Victory* Yoooo!!!! This is my jaaaaammmmmm!!!!!!!

Mile 3: That hot chocolate better be so good, I’d seriously consider slappin’ my Mama. Oh, and um, don’t tell her I said that.

Finish… Whew. For a minute there, it was touch and go. Like seriously. I’m never partying the night before a race again! Now where is my mug?! #MeBitterAboutThereNOTbeingAmedal lol

There was nothing sweet about running in the cold, walking a country mile from/to our *free* parking spot on the street, navigating the crowds, the long wait to start the race, or the wet paths and seats. Nothing sweet about it at all… The race started at 7:30am!!! That alone makes me bitter!

But it was absolutely sweet #NoBitterness. Because I spent that entire time with a really awesome person who was encouraging despite my brat-a-tude, comforting through my reluctance to channel my inner champion and believed that I would finish when at 5:00am I wouldn’t even start getting ready.

He made the first race of the year super sweet…Like dark chocolate. Like dark chocolate from Sees Candies. Like the dark chocolate from Sees Candies that he didn’t like.

Don’t worry California. I sent him back from whence he came. Ain’t nobody got time for people that hate Sees Candies.