Runners That Make Me Sick...

I wonder what flavor Activia she likes...

…and by “make me sick” I mean runners who are so freaking awesome, that my insane amount of envy won’t allow me to feel anything but sick. #IThinkYoureAllAwesomeMostOfTheTime …but every now and again, I want to puke when I see you. Like I did at Coyote Hills. Had absolutely nothing to do with seeing you. Just everything to do with being sick and running a 10K. But that’s another post.

Stroll… Stroll On…

Really?! Do you know how hard it was to start running? H.A.R.D! Let’s not even talk about the soreness. You can get sore from working out. A regular old workout will have you feeling it the next day, just like a good long run. But the breathing?! The first time I ran, I finally knew what Toni Braxton was talking about. Each gasp felt like my last one. Eventually I figured out the breathing thing, found my forever pace #BobJust and could successfully carry this ole’bag of bones from start to finish. But every now and then, I see you. You over-fckin-achiever. Not only do you want to throw it in my face that my reproductive organs have yet to produce a thing other than cramps and sadness, you want to put said “thing” in a stroller and run, on these same streets, this same trail that has me throwing up my life. And then you do it. You glance my way. And smile, and cheer me on.

You Jerk! If you have the amazing lung capacity to push that thing you created in something that Tyco created, don’t acknowledge my presence. Man, you stroller runners are awesome. If you’ve got a double stroller, I hope you…man, I can’t even finish that hateful thought!

Running Whist Pregnant: All you Charlotte York Goldenblatt’s get an honorable mention, but by virtue of my vagina, I am not at liberty to tell you how I really feel about you. By virtue of my similar (unused) reproductive organs and the fact that you’re no longer here. You’ve already crossed the finish line. #CongratulationsKinda

Grandma Didn’t Get Hit By That Reindeer After All…

That’s because she’s so gosh darn fast! Geeez woman! Watching those curly grey tresses float in the air is remarkable. And by remarkable, I mean depressing. Literally depressing. We all looked forward to that time when we wouldn’t have to go outside to pick out the worst switch in the world because you sat on the couch after playing outside…the nice couch. The one without the plastic covering. The one reserved for guests on Sunday. Welp. Those days are not coming. I think older persons still in that kind of shape are awesome! I’d love to be able to do one of these events with my parents, or grandparents for that matter. But, the reality is, I also wanted to be able to RUN AWAY from them when I dropped her good plate on the floor and broke it. I actually looked forward to adulthood for that. But I can’t. She beat me to the water station at Mile 2. Wished me luck. And took off.

Were Kids On The Invite?

I’m not sure there was a kid’s race option here? Oh, there wasn’t? Oh, you brought kids anyway? Oh, they’re running the same course as the adults? Oh…there goes one of those cute little whippernsappers running by effortlessly. Isn’t. That. Just. Great. Ugh! And that hurts to say, because I LOVE getting my friend’s kids high on sugary sweets, cartoons, toys and video games…then…bring them right back to their parents. Nothing more defeating than seeing a person who probably still sits in one of those I’m-almost-adult-high car seats laughing hysterically about Toon Disney playing from the portable DVD player they’re running with, uphill, in the freezing cold, with shorts and a tee shirt. I hate your parents. #payback  #WellPlayedFriends  #IWontGiveYourKidsSoMuchSugarNextTime

Is this a Half Marathon or a Dog Park?

So my uncle has a puppy. A puppy named Jacob. He’s like 10 months old. One day, I said to my uncle, “I’m going to take Jacob for a walk.” Then Jacob started to reach up for my uncle, you know, rose up on his hind legs. That was when I realized that Jacob wasn’t a dog at all. He was a horse. How is it possible that Jacob and I see eye to eye? Then he barked. Needless to say, I walked alone.

If I can walk alone, can’t you do me solid and uh, I don’t know, find a damn dog sitter? You dog runners are the worst. Mostly because I thought it would be super cute for me to go running down the street with my uncle’s dog horse getting my cardio on? But the reality is, nobody runs with horses, they ride them…and unless Jacob’s getting a medal, he’s going to be at the crib, chillin. Since I can’t do it, you shouldn’t either. #ImNotBitter #OkayALittleBitter Yo, my Uncle’s rottweiler scares the crap out of me. Like seriously. You want to see me cower in fear? Tell me I have to feed him. I will cry real tears. The same tears I started to cry the last time my Uncle told me to feed his horse. 

***YO!!!! I went running during lunch at work this week, right? This chick with her dog leash strapped about her wee'little waist scared the CRAP out of me! Needless to say, my run was interrupted and I was late to my 1:30pm meeting. UGH! Knock it off!!!!!!

Once I perfect this running thing, maybe I’ll take a chance and be one of you. Well, all except the kid, can’t go back. And maybe not so much Granny – I’m soooo not in a hurry to go forward. Babies? I mean, if it happens…not exactly praying for or against it. Totally neutral, but I love Charlotte. And dogs are cool, in cages or with their owners. And I technically don’t own one.

Um, where was I going with this?

Hi, I'm N.R.G-Oleksy-Jones!

Cheers! #WineGlass

So about that middle last name... #HereWeGo
 

Recently, a friend composed a blog post which she discussed the types of female friends every female should have in her circle It’s interesting (and also linked to this here post)…you should check it out. She mentioned the friend that will encourage you. The Uplifter. The one that always has something kind to say. Will support you come hell, high water, or stiletto heels. A prayer warrior! Lord knows I am constantly in need of prayer.

I have some really amazing people in my circle. People who have come through for me when I did not know that I needed them to help me break though. Crazy, right? Well, I was thinking about FMB’s post, and where I would classify the people in my life. Wait, that’s a lie. I was walking Lake Merritt and I thought about mimosas, which made me think of brunch, which got me wanting some time with my “mom” M.O.m and then I realized which kind of friend she was. She was that friend.

She is that friend. My Uplifter.

I could give you an exhaustive list of all the ways she embodies that for me. But the reality is, I don’t have to prove to you know what I know to be true #somtimesIrhyme. I can however, tell you about this one time. Okay, maybe these two times. Mostly because of what they meant to me, meant for me, and how (most especially) the moved me.

So, before TR messaged this to me:

My dear... I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you this, but you won't be a writer one day. You are a writer. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. Forever. Your blog is amazing. And I agree with Mr. 20D. Get out of your own way and soar… #ShesSoPolite,Huh?

…I was still trying to figure out what to do about this writing thing. And at dinner, MO.m said that I should take pieces that I’ve already written and post them on a blog. See what kind of response I get. I thought to myself, “Um, ain’t nobody got time to be putting their business in all the internets of the world. Plus, who outside of the people who know me will care?” That’s what I thought. And it felt like she knew what I was thinking. Because she looked at me so lovingly. With so much care. Like she knew I was waiting for that friendly “out”. You know, when we let our friends off the hook when they become so anxious about their greatness. We push them off into their break though the next day, because the terror in their eyes almost breaks your heart?

She then said to me, “How about you send me something you’ve written? I’ll read it over and give you some feedback about it.”

It seems such a small thing. You know. Being a friend and offering help. But it was not her offering help. It was her, injecting herself into my dream that I was too small to see. Without knowing (maybe she did) she knew that I was going to need someone inside of my dream reminding me how great it was to have dreamt something so lovely in the first place. And how even more amazing it is going to be to live it.

With that, #TheGirlieGurlChronicles got a title. *My CJC loves the fact that the title is hashtagged*

And then there was this other time we were planning to hang out. As we were going back and forth figuring out what to do, I suggested we “veg out,” you know, get our Pretty Woman on? I could not muster up the energy to run, I didn’t feel like doing anything healthy, and honestly, lifting a fork to my mouth felt like waaay too much cardio. Who doesn’t want to just hang, watch TV, and catch up? Of course everyone does. But MO.m has seen my dream, so she knew she couldn’t let me off the hook that easy. Maybe we can go for a walk? A hike? Spend some time outside enjoying the lovely California sun? Or brunch, mimosas and Oprah? I mean, she said mimosas…what was I supposed to choose? Right? Right. Point is, she knew that I needed to know where to go when I feel like #14in2014 is too much – because it will. She knows how bad I want those medals – and she won’t be the reason I don’t get them.

MO.m is a very special lady. Kind. Thoughtful. Loving. Encouraging. She always asks…she never assumes she knows. She isn’t the friend to push you off the cliff. She’ll nudge you to the edge, because she knows how important it is for you to decide to jump on your own. I love that she wants me to have that moment. She stands right with you. Every step of the way. Hopeful smile. Warm hugs. Cheery disposition. You have to wonder how bad things happen to people like her. I suppose that’s life’s way of telling me that if bad stuff is happening to her and she’s that awesome, maybe you shouldn’t be crying over some of these cards you kinda dealt yourself. AND, if she’s finding a way to figure it all out, make sense of all it (she really is) then get over it and live on.

She is like a horcrux I inadvertently made one day, at a winery, hanging out, with her. Like Voldemort made of Harry. There’s this little part of me that lives right inside of her. We’re connected. All my most amazing, most personal, most unimaginable dreams are deep down inside of her. Living. Growing. And she reminds me that they are alive when I don’t think it’s possible.

I’m lucky to have even met her #ThanksSamuel. Blessed she genuinely cares about me.

#HighlyFavored that MO.m believes in me.

SHUT UP AND SWEAT: Race 2, Medal 1

Coyotes though? Maybe that's my spirit animal.

  “I believe the most important single thing, beyond discipline and creativity, is daring to dare.” #MayaAngelou

Yea, I wish I would have seen her shirt around Mile 1. By Mile 5, when she passed by, I pretty much said all there was to say.

The first medal of the year was kinda awesome. You know me, loving a challenge, right? The first medal race of the year was a 10K, (inclining) trail run, whilst having the bubonic plague. Good grief! Whatever I have feels like it can only be cured by one of those plants from the Avatar or something. I coughed the entire time!

Pre Race Instructions: Run to the right, because there will be faster runners passing you by (wait, are we running or driving?) #PassOnTheLeft. Follow the pink flags, not the other runners, so you don’t get lost. The other courses are marked with other colors. Also, be sure to note the chalk arrows on the ground to keep on the path. Here’s a map, just in case you get lost.  (wth? No street signs? Uh, no fool...It's A TRAIL!).

Start Line: I’on know about this Kim. What's that? Meet you at the snacks? Okay.

Mile 1: I think this was a bad idea. I’ve never run a trail. Maybe we should have done the 5K. I mean, you get a medal anyway. It’s not like anyone would have known. I wonder the color of the 5K flags?

Mile 2: *cough*cough* Oh, what’s that feeling? That’s strange. Whoa. I think I’m about to throw up. Oh okay, I am. How about I just walk the rest of this mile? Yep. Walking sounds good.

Mile 3: Man, I should have signed up for the half! Look at all of this nature, it’s hella nice. *cough* I mean, that was like the last hill we’re going to go up, right?

Mile 4: *still going uphill* Half my a$$! You ought to be lucky that you finished half this damn race. Focus. What color flags am I supposed to follow again? *cough*hack*cough*

NP: Gone Under #SnarkyPuppy #ShaynaSteele…hmph. How appropriate.

Mile 5: Oh nice. I can’t breathe. *cough*cough* Why can’t I breathe? I’m not even going that fast. Oh, my necklace has wrapped itself about my headphones. I’ll just stop and take it off. *stops*charm drops*reverses* Dammit! Man, fck this trail. *tear*

Mile 6: Father God In Heaven, if we go up any higher, I’m going to see the bottom of Peter’s sandals at the pearly gates! Does this trail ever go down?

Finish: My calf muscles are beat-boxing. Whoa. Is this medal made of titanium?! *cough* Yaaassssssss!!!

Next time you get sick, run on a trail. I actually felt better despite the desperate breathing, vomiting and gasping for air! Once that was done, I actually felt great. I could breathe. I wasn’t sneezing. And then I would hack again. lol

As I was running, walking, and regurgitating my life on the trail, I thought about the next 13 races. I do not think the running is going to be the hard part. I know how to show up on time, Start and Finish. That’s going to be the easiest part of this.

When I got to my Uncle to switch cars back, I was eager to show him my medal. Hey, this one is special…it’s the first of 2014!

Me: Look Uncle, I did it!!! *I’m a big’ole’kid around him*

Uncle: Yea, I know you did it. Oh, so what? You finally won this time? #unimpressed

Me: No, I didn’t win… Are you crazy?! You get a medal when you finish.

Uncle: You always finish…

Me: *smiling* Indeed I do.

I can start and finish. I proved that long before #14in2014. The real challenge? How #14in2014 changes me. What will I become? How will respond to that new me? Who is she going to be? What will you see during this? Through this? At the end of all this running?

Well, at least for today, it made me anxious for the next medal. February can’t get here soon enough!

Today’s Race: 10K, Coyote Hills, Fremont CA

Medaled Miles to date: 6.2 miles

Total Raced Miles to date: 9.3 miles

13 Medals To Go ǁ 7% Complete