Most parents
will admit (not to their children) that they learn
some amazing things from them. And not that book sense stuff we pick up when we
get our degrees. It is the life lessons. So simple, so common “sense”-ical, so
real that you stop and wonder how did I not already know/do this?
Before I made it to Arkansas to birth four of
the most special girls I could have ever asked for, I had an appointment with
the LEAD Summer
Business Institute. There was this quiet, handsome and
confident young man from Wexford, Pennsylvania I needed to meet. I will never
forget him. TH was mature, kind, funny, charismatic, very-very smart and respectful.
Never a cross word to or about anyone – and he was a high school junior. TH adored
me, and I him – though it’s hard to say who adored who first. Everyone you meet
makes an impact, an imprint on your heart. His has been the most remarkable to
date.
What I lacked in a scholarly business
background, I had in the operation of a residential program. I knew how to take
care of people. This is why KYD hired me. And she knows, better than anyone
that they were my babies. MB (her
initials at the time) told me that she
and I were going to be friends forever. We had not finished a week of the
program. My friends (my age) thought it was just a phase. What high school
student from the East Coast is going to actually feel a real attachment to a
college graduate on the West-best-Coast after the summer ended and senior year
began? MB left LEAD and returned home. She talked about me everyday – or enough
for it to feel that way. Her mother called me that October to invite me to
Thanksgiving with their family in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. The conversation,
like many I’ve had with my now MommieB was loving, but quite short. She invited
me to Thanksgiving telling me …my daughter
talks about you ALL the time, I need to meet you. That was the best
homemade cranberry sauce I ever had. Kids say the darndest things – about me.
So my free day came. My 24 (more or less) hours “off”. While the LEADers were off on a field trip, I was reminiscing
my childless days with my friend on the mean streets of Los Angeles. I needed
to buy a suit for an event, and my time was running out. Our days were so long,
that I could never get away. I attempted sneaking away for a couple of hours
once (or twice), but by the time I said for the 8th I’ll be right back,
trying to make it from one end of the hallway to the elevator, I realized
it would be easier to stay. As we drove into Sproul
Turnaround, still chatting about nothing and listening to
the radio, my friend came to an abrupt stop. Lord!
*shaking my head* …those are my kids out in the street!
And they were. Someone spotted me in the car,
and the group did the 100 yard dash to greet me. From the hugs, yelling,
tugging and vying for my attention, I inferred that they noticed I was absent
that day. They could not wait to tell me all about their day at the M&M
Mars Factory, show me every cool thing they got or recite some stupid thing
someone said. They couldn’t understand why I couldn’t spend the day with them,
and I did not try to explain it. They did not like that I was not with them, or
that I could not get the cool stuff they had. And, like sacrifices at the
altar, at different points throughout the night, they would come by to talk,
then run back to their rooms, and happily return with the unburnt offerings (assorted candies, M&M Dispenser, M&M
Travel bags) to lay at my
feet. I sat in awe across from my twin sister with the olive skin, speechless,
between visits and gifts. Kids make you love them. You can try not to take it –
but they are persistent and relentless. They are fountains of energy – you will
tire before they do, I know. I got tired. They didn’t.
I was not sad when it was time for me to give
them back to their various homes in the United States. TH was still busy
impressing, impacting and imprinting on me, though it was time to go. As they came out of their rooms
bags packed, eyes red, faces conflicted (happy
to return home, but hating to leave),
TH exited his room just as cool and confident as he entered. There were signs
that he would miss this, but he was mature enough to know that it was not meant
for always. To match his adult-like temperament, was a button up shirt, slacks
and dress shoes. When he looked up to see me, I noticed he was wearing that
million dollar smile.
Sweetie, what in the world are you wearing? Me wondering if he was going to Church as
soon as he got off the plane. Why you all are dressed up?
In response to the latter inquiry, he replied …because I’m
going home today, respectfully as he could be without wondering if I
was confused about the day or date.
Uh, yea, I know
(I mean, duh) …you’re going to be on a long flight. Don’t you want to wear
something more comfortable? I asked.
A response that would literally, forever
change me, My
Dad’s a pilot, he said. I nodded in agreement, remembering a
conversation from weeks prior. Out of respect for my father, I dress up when I get on
airplanes.
Now, I know that those were not the last words
he said to me. I know we had some exchange of a goodbye or other parting
pleasantries people have at airports. But those words, those particular words.
I hear them every day. That would be an important day for me.
MB and TH were spot on in their assessments of
what our futures would look like. It maybe took 48 hours for them to use the
technology of the day to stay in touch – AOL Instant Messaging. That ding would
go off at home and in the office regularly. And everyone in both locations knew
who it was. Just about all of the LEADers at one point or another IM’ed me.
However, TH and MB were the regulars. And they loved “talking” to the other
people with me in the room. I occasionally switched seats with my friends (boys)
who were with me so MB could “meet” them. Flygurl623
and Windmills. We talked about LEAD,
boys, girls, summer plans, their families, the upcoming senior year, my
nonexistent love life (I think she has
finally given up on finding me a man, I think?), how they missed In & Out, Diddy Riese
Cookies – LORD, what didn’t we type about? Not hearing
from them for a couple of days didn’t bother me. They were so young, so busy,
trying to be older than they were and three hours ahead of me, so our schedules
got off sometimes.
I had not heard from KYD in a while either. Her voice is pretty easy – typical Californian.
I know it – I am it. I had never heard her voice like that before, but true to
denial fashion, I acted like I didn’t hear it. Good news or bad, she was always
direct and to the point, which in a moment like that I appreciated. TH had been
in a car accident, and though it wasn’t fair, and I wasn’t ready, and nobody
thought enough of me to ask, I had to give him back. No more Windmills. I told KYD that I needed to
tell MB (as well as a couple of other LEADers) myself. They needed to hear it from me. And I
needed to hear them when they heard it and make sure that they were okay, as in
okay enough to deal with it. She didn’t refuse me. KYD told me about the
ceremony and plans to say goodbye to TH. I, not even knowing that I said it
aloud, murmured something to the affect that I couldn’t afford the trip. KYD offered
to get my plane ticket, and before I could, she would not let me refuse her.
I didn’t cry instantly. Mostly because I
didn’t believe it. I did, but when something that is believable is just
absolutely unbelievable, you need proof. You want proof, because you hope there
is no proof – making it fake. I didn’t cry until the day I walked into that
Church. I cried myself to dehydration, only for the tears to kindly reabsorb
themselves through my skin to do it all over again. I’m not sure my body moved
more than three inches in any direction.
There is more to say but I will not speak it.
It was a fool’s errand to think I could write it. We spent the evening at their
home. TH’s Mom gave me a hug before I left.
My airplane
struggle used to be REAL. Especially if it was an early flight. I would get out
of bed, brush my teeth, wash my face, put on the biggest sweats that wouldn’t
fall off my butt and go. Let that flight be more than 2 hours, and they might
be pajamas! #AintNobodyGotTimeToBeCuteSittin4HellaLong…
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I haven’t been
on an airplane with my hair wrapped up since the trip prior to Pennsylvania to say
goodbye to TH. I woke up the day of my flight, ironed my clothes, combed my
hair and went to LAX. When I landed at my layover and final destination, I
thanked the pilots and crew.
In 2003 SDP and
I went to the Westside Pavilion and made a baby. We gave our first (and only child
together) a great name. We made a baby. Named a baby. Then went to Roscoe’s
for lunch.
I am grateful for the snippet of life God allowed Thomas to share with me. It made me a better person. Children do that for you. You make them, then remake you into a better you.
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