Choices. How Many Of Us Make Them?

Can, over the life of a relationship, two people remain faithful? Can their connection, their bond, their togetherness stave off infidelity? However you define faithful, and however you define infidelity. While there may be some variation of those definitions, we can probably agree there are more commonalities.

My answer? Yes. When I was asked this question, I did not think twice. I did not hesitate. The next person in the room was on deck to respond like the NFL Draft.

Because, as Neo eventually surmised, the problem, the question, the answer, is choice.

Being faithful is a choice too.

We choose everyday with our words, our silence, our stillness and our actions the course of our lives. These aren’t involuntary decisions, though at times we’re indifferent. We choose indifference. None of us move on autopilot, especially when it comes to our hearts – and the illogical affairs of them.

I do not believe that we have a controlling vote when it comes to who we love. I believe that because I know that I have loved and still love those who were/are unworthy and undeserving. I love them anyway. And I wouldn’t hesitate answering that question. But, everyday, I choose how I love them. How I give them that love. They way in which I reconcile that emotion – as irrational as it may be. And all the things I no longer do, despite the real estate they own in my heart.

Choice. I choose it every day. Actively (and sometimes indifferently).  

Many of the women in that room were like Thomas. Thomas, as in the disciple...of Jesus, in how they responded to the question. Can a relationship survive infidelity? Did Jesus really rise from the grave? Um where is the proof? They have never seen it (fidelity). And, Thomas needed to see the wounds (before he'd believe er'body else). He wanted to touch them, and see if they were real – before he would believe. Right? I mean, that's what we tell people. We don't believe you. You need more people. You. Need. To. Show. Me. PROOF!

  

²⁴ But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.

²⁵ The other disciples therefore said unto him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said unto them, “Unless I shall see in His hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into His side, I will not believe.”

²⁶ And after eight days the disciples were again within, and Thomas was with them. Then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be unto you.”

²⁷ Then said He to Thomas, “Reach hither thy finger and behold My hands, and reach hither thy hand and thrust it into My side: and be not faithless, but believing.”

²⁸ And Thomas answered and said unto Him, “My Lord and my God!”

²⁹ Jesus said unto him, “Thomas, because thou hast seen Me, thou hast believed. Blessed are they that have not seen and yet have believed.”

On this matter, Jesus blesses those of us who believe it, though we haven’t seen it. I almost said the same thing when defending my response to the question. My parents have been married 34 years. Have they remained faithful to each other? I guess, I mean they are still together, right? But really, how can I know? It’s not like that’s been their testimony to me about their marriage. They haven’t admitted or confided anything in me about their faithfulness or lack of.

So, I answered the question with what I believe in my broken heart to be true. To be my honest feelings on the matter.

Now, just because I choose faithfulness to my mate, it doesn’t mean that I will not be faced with temptation. To my mis/fortune, God made more than one interesting, intellectual, attractive, good smelling man! Thank you Father God! I will be tempted. You know who else was tempted? Jesus.

And because we are human we will fail. We are imperfect beings attempting to perfect our humanity. And I believe in the course of a relationship mistakes will be made. We will hurt one another’s feelings. Say things we did not mean to say. Forget special moments. Be unreasonable with our requests. Something we did not intend will happen.

I mean...temptation. #GodKnowsMyHeart

I just don’t believe we will make every mistake. I believe that we can get some things right. Others? We’ll get partial credit.

And on the “problem” of faithfulness, there are those of among us who will work hard, study furiously, ask for help, and get perfect scores. But that might come with a $200 shoe binge from our shared savings account every now and August.

It’s all about choice. 

I choose faithfullness. And shoe sales.