buddy

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buddy [bud·dy / bədē] adjective: when you’re too clueless to realize that a person is actually trying to get to know YOU better and you, unwittingly classify that person as someone who could want nothing more from you, than, well, nothing really.

I

 spent most of these years doing all the things I used to do with family and friends before I went away to be the thing that my parents always wanted me to be. The Family (you choose) dinners, epic spades tournaments, random adventures, movie nights, taboo matches, and holidays stuck on campus – on duty. So when anyone suggested doing any of these things, it was second nature. It was normal. It was custom. Of course we’re hanging. What else would we do? What time can I expect you?

What movies do you have? I have all kinds. What type of movies are you interested in? Anything! Pick something good! Pick something you haven’t seen! Okay, I’ll be over later tonight.

Well, I suppose I should get this stuff off the couch. I’ll just…yea…put it on the floor right next to the couch. Do these sweats smell? It was hella hot today and I just took my work clothes off and put them on. *sniffs sweats* Well, they’re not that bad. I’ll just turn the AC up and get a blankie. Ugh. I have to put on a bra again. Dammit.

*knock, knock* Hey! What’s up! *hugging* Nothing much, how are you? You know, same ol’, same ol’…sooooo, what are we watching??? *shares movie selection* OMG! I haven’t seen The Eye yet! Let’s watch that one! Okay, I’ll put it in. You got something to drink? Juice? That work? Yea.

See. Just like normal. Whether you’re a guest or a key holder to my place, I’ll always get you something to drink or something to eat. My Mommie raised me that way (read: right). Something about taking care of people that has always been with me. You cannot enter my space and not get your needs met. If they aren’t met, I would have gone down swinging

We sat on the couch, next to each other. Close, but not in a way that seemed awkward, you know. Like movie theater close but there isn’t an armrest, so you can’t win the war #ThumbsUp, so you’re a little closer but space exists. As we were watching the movie I did what most curious, extroverts, who accidentally spoil things by saying what they’re thinking but not on purpose because they didn’t realize they were audibly speaking their inside thoughts – ruined it.

So what happens? She like gets eyesight then like gets in an accident and loses her eyesight again or something?

We watched it to the end. I mean, I didn’t know how she lost her eyesight. I couldn’t prophesize what type of accident it would be. I don’t have Lion-O’s sword #sightbeyondsight. And neither did Jessica Alba. She should have known better. Anyway, where was I going with this? Yea. When you ruin a movie you have to do other stuff since you can’t talk about the shock of the movie. He used that opportunity to talk to me about me.

But how can you like me though? I’m hella awkward. I’m curvy in awesome places…AND in all the other places. I’m helllllaaaa old (not really, but I am, and I am dramatic, so….). I am weird. I like things that boys like. I have only really started dressing like a girl because I have to do the adult thing now. And my God, I’m ordinary, in the most invisible ways. His narrative was different. The exact opposite. And he happened to like the narrative he had. He wasn’t familiar with the document I had been reading from, which probably caused him to wonder about me – but I cannot know that for sure #LikeImGoingToAsk #iThoughtYouKnewMe. How the confident being he saw sashaying with all that sassafrass mindlessly in red could not see what moved in the most intriguing ways before him. (don’t worry, this will be my struggle for years and years; it plays like a broken record. get used to the music, bro).

Movies and conversations end. Just like morning, becomes afternoon, to become evening, to end as night. And because we are who we are, we would become the next thing. And end to begin again.

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