So, it was Pearl’s idea to
bring back #30DaysOfGratitude. You
know, taking time out of your day to post something you are thankful for. No
matter how big or small. Just getting outside of your stuff, to think about
your life through a critical, thankful lens. So often we get so busy with our
day, our life, our family, our issues, that we forget to remember that those
are usually the places where our most profound gratitude is located.
That’s exactly where I found
much of my gratitude this month. Especially that first two weeks. Baby Pey
remembering who I am?! OMG. Nothing like it. She was a minion for Halloween, so
I bought a pack of minion Mike & Ike’s for her trick-or-treat pail. AWB
text me this month and said that she walks around the house shaking them, and
saying my name. Being remembered? – gratitude. Realizing that my capacity to
love is much more than I could have imagined? – indebted to Baby Pey forever.
I survived Rock n Roll Las Vegas this year…even
with the double running! Though the original
travel plan and group didn’t work out as planned, I had an amazing time with my
friends, made new ones, and got to meet a living legend. I was inspired by
every moment of solitude as I laid me down to rest at night…or morning…or
whatever time it was. And woke up ready for the world.
I continue to remain
challenged by the awesomely difficult career path I’ve
chosen. But unlike any other tactic I have used to meet these challenges where
they are, I have learned the power of my silence (when
used strategically).
I embrace it. I have lost nothing in my silence. I have, however, gained peace
of mind like none other.
Of course, there were many
other moments of gratitude…like My Uncle changing his clothes after a long day
of work, fighting through traffic to the auto parts store, and fixing my
blinker light thingie on the car. Milk for cereal. Pops! 2 dollar bills. Angelica
Rollerskates & E-boogie’s born day celebrations. Halloween candy being 90%
off at CVS. Bacon being a “free” add on item to my grilled cheese sandwich. My
bed. Kindness. Mail. Poetry…of course I am always
thankful for words #ItCameFromConcrete
#ItsTenacity #ItsWillToReachTheSun. And lest we not forget, red
wine. It helped me get through when Shonda Rhimes came for every single one of
my edges like Sallie Mae does my loan payments with those season finales! #FatherGodBeAnEdgesHairPlugReplacement
But then something happened.
The verdict came in. Or, the non verdict came in about
Michael Brown. And I got so sad. I was detached from my gratitude like Avatar
Korra and her past Avatar lives. I couldn’t sense gratitude and thankful
feelings because the City of Ferguson was burning…like the hope in my heart. As
social media so eloquently posted, retweeted and instragrammed… What kind of world is this, where we KNOW a man will get away for
murder?
And why am I thankful for it?
It would have been disingenuous
of me to not mark this moment to you. At least to those of you reading this
here blog. Up until this point, I’ve been making straight A’s, right? Setting
the bar high and soaring over it in a leer jet. But since that day, it took a
while for me to get back to it…to tell the world what moment made me realize
gratitude. And it was a heartfelt memory from my childhood, being played out
the night before Thanksgiving. As I sat with my bowl of dark chocolate cheerios
and last bit of milk, I was so thankful. For memory, for family, for MY cereal
bowl, the warmth of this apartment, and to be filled. I have a day without
hunger. To have a meal that really and truly satisfied my being. There are
people in the world right now longing for a feeling that just came to me.
Without having done nothing but lived long enough to experience it.
That next day, Thanksgiving
Day, I ran a 10K. Not a PR by any stretch, but an amazing moment to see JustBob
take off and complete his (probably) fastest 10K ever. He’s
had to endure so many #MedalMondays of mine
that he’s going to have a couple of his own. And the first one, we will share
together. Thankful. As I walked the finish line area, I awaited Angelia
Rollerskates as she completed the 3rd running event of her #4in2014. I could not have been
more proud to take our #MedalRunDay
pictures with our hair wrapped up. Thankful.
I cleaned up, cooked up, and
high-tailed it to the Juke Joint to spend Thanksgiving Day with my family. The
womenfolk prepared everything in the kitchen while the kids (anyone
under 18 and/or dependent in whatever way to an adult for their daily existence) did
the dishes, cleaned up around us, and basically, indentured servants. We all
held hands and shoulders in the kitchen as the sounds of the football and
basketball games played in the background. And, when the youngest grown up male
in the circle was asked to bless the bountiful dinner, we bowed our heads and
closed our eyes. He began… Jesus Wept. And ended. Hella Hungry. And kinda
thankful? Yes, he had to do the prayer over… It wasn’t much longer the second
time. But it did include more nouns, verbs and adjectives.
That night, after I salivated
over the spoils of multiple Thanksgiving Meals in various homes around the Bay
Area, I got a text from JustBob wanting to know IF I wanted him to stop by with
a slice of his sweet potato pie, because apparently, one needs permission to
being ME pie. Oh, okay. #nomnomnom Um, I mean, thankful.
 |
| Even in my failure. I still...gotta say..Thank You. |
I haven’t posted since milk for cereal. Not
because I’m not back, or I don’t feel any more thankfulness inside of me. It’s
there as it always has been. I’m just stretching myself. I am learning what it
feels like to fail, no matter how small…because aside from relationships, I do
not fail. The old me would have pulled out a calendar and thought back to each
to do remember what I was thankful for, to post it…to catch up. But the new me?
I’m going to sit with this…and find the gratitude in it.
