My Math Sucks. . .

And I’m ashamed to admit my undergraduate institution and course work. If I did, you would not give me an excuse for having math that does not seem to add up, like this math, in front of me. #GetYourCalculator #ImGoingSomewhereWithThis

You know what’s up…you have been reading the blog. #14in2014. Did I tell you how this started? KD, EBoogie and I were chatting it up on Facebook. We came up with this grand idea of doing it big in 2014. 14 Medal Races. Oh, and a call in to Cash Money to sponsor our race entry fees and outfits. I mean, “Bling, Bling”… Juvenile? Get it? Get it? Got it? Good. Because we’re running around a city near you.

We were clear about this. Solamente 14 races and solamente 14 medals. So let’s take a look at the math and see what happens. Scratch paper?

For starters, when I created the document to track the races I wanted to do, you’ll notice on each line there’s a Fog City Run entry. How cool would it be to run at 6:30pm in San Francisco. $5.00 race entry and a beer at the finish! Sounds cool right? Welp, it’s on the list. #12Races

Oh, and I have to go back to Vegas right?  I mean, the Strip must be done At Night! On My List! #Plus1

EBoogie and I still have yet to Color Ourselves Rad so we are totally doing that in June. Check. #PlusAnother

Oh My Gee…The Bay Area ROC Race! It’s totally a birthday present to myself, and my health insurance provider. I mean obstacles, right. I have to just have to make this happen. Like seriously. Have you seen the photos on the website?! #StillAdding

Then there are the random #notrandom emails from my CJC! Oh I thank Him for her! #BlessGodInThisPlace. Gmail was not ready for the ridiculousness in our exchanges. Fortunately, Facebook is just ratchet enough to look over our tags, and hashtags. This means, Wine Country is happening because, well… Wine #itsnotthatdifficulttoconnectthecorks #thatslikeanother2races…

The answer is 7. 

There are 35 races on my calendar. I have 2 race series that are totally happening: #IRunTheBay and #IRock&RunTheCoast… Both come with an additional medal to commemorate the fact that I’m basically, well, a Boss. #GetAtMeBruh… Three scheduled race conflicts because I can’t decide which race I want to do yet. Partially because one of the race series kinda sorta conflicts with another event that friends want to do and I would like to attempt to physically be in two places at one time WHILST RUNNING in addition to the #14kindamorethan14in2014  #ImSuperHuman. In July, get this…I am planning to run in Davis in the evening, then leave that evening and run in Marin in the morning, because, well…some medals glow in the dark. And if that was not enough in October, I am going to actually endeavor to run a race, in the morning, then get on a plane THAT EVENING, to run another race in that next morning – start and finish lines more than 300 miles away.

Oh, and I still have to plan a race with my cuzzin KMG, my homey-love-my-sisters from UCA, and I’m totally running Tennessee with that Sees Candies hater! I may even make it to DC for some color running with my cousin from my Mama’s Milwaukee brother #notreallycousins  #youseewhatIdidthere… I need to get my Nike race scheduled. I mean you had me at Tiffany’s, but the ante and upped exponentially when you said firemen. Um… Yea. That. These events will fit in easily with staff recruitment, training, professional development, shoe shopping, happy hour, Build-A-Bear, the NBA Playoffs, NFL Draft and well, Jesus – because Sunday comes once a week, without fail. Now, throw all that into the proof and prove it! #ShowAllYourWorkForFullCredit…

So, did your derivative not equal ∏? Thought so.

When I figure out how you did it, it's on.

Don’t let me sell you this dream without a little haggling over the price. Sure I’m hashtagging and retweeting this as #14in2014, but this is some Good Will Hunting type of ish. And you’re that professor guy trying to salvage the remains of how all of this makes sense. Because to me, it makes complete sense. It is so easy, it perplexes me that you are legitimately confused. Why don’t you get it? You don’t get it – and, well, I kinda understand. You might not ever get it. 

Until you get it.

Until you get your race bib. And your swag bag at your first race expo. And your free trial size packet of jelly belly energy beans and gu. And your first record, to have a number to compare your next race to #PRorDIE. And those voices reciting the name on your race bib as you hit Mile 4. And medal. Until you get that medal in your hand. Around your neck. Shining like a diamond. And you turn around and look back at the finish line you just crossed.

Then your math will suck to. And it won’t equal ∏. But your mathematical calculations will always balance.

To date, I have run in 3 races. This means I should have 3 medals, right? Well, I have 2 medals and a really awesome jacket. Told you…

Still balanced.