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| Thanks Barack! I needed that prayer! |
“All
of us here are answered prayers…”
James 1: 1 - 4
I don’t often get “churchy”…well,
unless I am going back and forth on social media with my CJC! I suppose I do
not want anyone to believe that I have this all consuming, all knowing understanding
of God’s word. I’m smart, but I don’t. I can be a “know-it-all” about some
things, you know?! But never about God’s Holy Word. My understanding is
adolescent, or teenage at best.
So, this is me, coming out of the
closet. I’m a Christian. Whew! *wipes brow*
And every now and then God uses my
experiences and ability to analyze simply complex concepts. He takes my
knowledge, skills, and abilities to interpret those experiences through His Word to remind me about something I should know. Because someone, somewhere
like my Daddie preached it, or I watched Joel Osteen while he said it, and I took
notes about it both times. And those notes planted a musical seed in my heart.
That took a little time to grow. And now I can hear that song. About somebody
that prayed for me. They indeed had me on their mind(s). Mostly because I’m still
right here.
I am not here today by anything that
I have done. I am an answered prayer. Prayed by a whole lotta folks. If you
knew the extent of my life, you’d know that 2 or more NEEDED to be gathered for
this #HaveChurchFolks. I've been known to make bad adult decisions.
Anyway, I have been so depressed for a while, unable and at times unwilling to allow God to just do what He
needs to do to grow me. Problem? I rely on my intellectually inadequate understanding
of this life. This world. Humanity. My humanity.
But, I’m Christian, remember? So, I’m
not exactly human. “I’m a spiritual being
having a human experience…” So, why am I relying on human tools to mend my
spiritual issues? Honestly, I do not know. I supposed it is always easier, or
it is all I “know” to do. Or that I haven’t grown up from my underage
understanding of my Father.
But thanks be to God that some bodies prayed for
me! And even more, that God had mercy enough to answer that (those) prayer! I
see now, more than ever that I will never figure this all out. And that’s okay.
I think though, that the next time I have a trial,
I am going to transition through it
so I can triumph (those weren’t
my words…yay Sunday Sermon at ALCF). When the minister said that, I
wondered if it would be possible to do it. If I could figure out how to do it?
I mean, I’m smart, but I’m not that,
smart.
Or am I?
A few days ago, one of my “kids”
called me. And I told her about this one trial I had. That had me in this
depression I’m on my way out of #NameItAndClaimIt, that still
kinda hurts. And how it changed me. How that person affected me. How she was
doing that to someone else. And reminding her, what it did to me – what I
became. And what she would eventually do to that person. That memory was just
what she needed. And though it hurt to say it, I know that I’m becoming better
because of it. I'm better than the people in it (including that old me), who did it to me, and all it put me through. Like Mary Oliver said, in time, we learn that all boxes of
darkness are gifts. Jesus said it first though.
Look, I’m no saint. At all. And I
don’t have many answers. But these few I do are my triumphs. Because they
started as trials, and I transitioned them into triumphs. They almost turned into
tragedies, but I eventually turned them around. And for that while I was so
depressed, I did not feel like I was overcoming anything but Kleenex. That’s a
sobering feeling – feeling like you can’t make it – like you can’t defeat
anything.
I’m still in transition though. I
see some triumphs on the horizon…
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