DubsWin, so WeRun #LetsGo510

See, when you’re me, you’ve got to have a sense of humor about this running stuff. Because, well, you sometimes plan running events in the same weekend. Which isn’t abnormal, per say #Such&Thus. I mean, a couple of remix challenges, running this event last year the day before Rock n Roll Los Angeles. The idea of this isn’t new. It’s actually part of your #15in2015. Right? You out here running #Back2Back #twice like Drizzy. Like nobody who knows you is surprised by your behavior at all.  

What’s different? You actually didn’t intend for it to work out this way. You actually thought that this event was on a different weekend. And you were excited about the fact that you’d get to run consecutive weekends.

You need a personal assistant. You need your google calendar to assume human form. And follow you around.

But I gotta do it. It’s #RunningHubby’s last event of the challenge. He’s taken down an #8k on a bum toe, a #12k with you nowhere in sight of the finish as he crossed, and now this #10k. You gotta be there for it. All of the distances. All of the finishes. All of the medals. All of the challenges.

Just not there in the doing the #10K sense of being there. Because you’re a Ragnarian now. And, well, you’ve been sleeping in a SUV. And, well, you really don’t wanna. So, just no. There’s a #5k. Just do that. #ankle #ItsOkayToUnderachieveOnce #TabWouldBeProud 

START: It’s me and you Jigs. Let’s get it.

Mile 1: Hmmm. It’s been a while since I’ve walked a race. This actually feels good. Seriously, I should do this more often.

Mile 2: Or nah. I kind of get why I run now. I’d like for this to be over Jesus. #iUnderstandYouNowAlicia #SprintUpTheHills #GetItOverAlready

Mile 3: Wait, what happened to Jigs? Oh, there she is. Oh, now I know what I gotta do. She’s about to hate me. I think I like it.

Mile 3(0.1): Oh, she’s about to get this PR. And a kill. C’mon Jigs!!!!

FINISH: Yassssssss! She did that! That girl never stood a chance!!!! I’m so proud! She killed this 5k!

Mile 6(0.2): eeeeek. They look upset. Maybe I should start cheering and get all happy and whatnot and they’ll forget they just ran 6.2 miles without me.

(their)FINISH: Whatever you do girl, Do. Not. Break. Character. Turn-The-Eff-Up!

I did what I said I would do. I was present for every run. I started with him. And at the very last one, I got to see him finish. I was able to witness his first steps, and welcome in his last with clapping, cheering, and a shiny new medal. I’ll never know what he became. I think I want to, but it's not for me to know. It was always and only for me to do what I said I would do. Be there. He asked me not to leave him, and I never did. I think that I believe that everyone is going to have some life changing experience from all of this. That they are going to get hooked on the feeling like Tyrone Biggims is on crack #hooked #addicted #ItsSoContagious. But I don’t think it’s that way – and I’m not sure it’s that way for him. But whatever it was, I hope it was worth it.

It’s an amazing feeling seeing your friends achieve their goals. #RunningHubby wasn’t the only person who set out to do something great. Meanwhile, behind the scenes, all stealthy like a fighter jet, Jigs #AngelicaRollerskates been out here marching for miles and medals. A quiet commitment to something greater than herself. I think it was just how she wanted it to be. Something personal, something just for her, something to prove something else to herself. I hope it taught her whatever it was suppose to teach her too…and then a little something else. It’s always the unexpected lessons, those unknown things we come to know about ourselves by surprise that grow us. I imagine she didn’t think she had it in her to sprint that last leg of the race. I wish she could have seen the smirk on her face as she crossed the finish line. It was everything.

…and that’s #Year2 of the #RunTheBay challenge. I'm not doing this again. I mean, it's not a chore or anything to do. But, really, why would you do something AGAIN, after you literally just did it AGAIN??? 

I was prepared to hang the medals up until they told me what you get in #Year3.

A medal rack.

FuhK. I’ll be back. #2016 #TheYearOfRagnar #andTheRunTheBayChallenge 
#Again #andAgain #andOneMoTime #ForTheOrangeCameraAndMedalRack

#15ThingsIn2015 Challenge

5 new states (Louisiana – 1 down, 4 to go) #iShouldWorkOnThisOne

4 new friends (OldieButNewbie #RunningHubby; My Child; WickedWineRunCrew (6 people!); Ragnar Napa Valley (10 people!) – 18 down, -12 to go)

3 new running events (Shamrock Half; St Charles Road Race; Orange County Half; Wicked Wine Run; Ragnar Napa Valley; Let’s Go 510…5k – 6 down, -3 to go)

2 back-to-back running events (Rock N Roll San Jose 5K & Half; Ragnar Napa Valley & Let’s Go 510…5k – 2, 0 to go)

1 Half Marathon PR (Rock N Roll San Diego! 6 minutes! – 1 down, 0 to go)

Mandar #itshisthing

You know, maybe if you actually typed in the address to the start location in your phone *instead of always texting will driving #YeaImPetty* then perhaps we’ll get to where we need to go IN time…

I don’t need no GPS. I have mandar.

Mandar? *meanest side eye every given before 8:00am* WTF is Mandar? I’m not doing this with you this morning. We better not be late.

We’re not going to be late. I know these streets… Look, we’re here…

*mumbles under breath* Lucky ass…

I was ready to go in! Like seriously. I sent you all the information you needed. All you had to do with type an address into the map application on your smart phone, and let it navigate us. No, that’s not the easiest thing to do. The easiest thing to do is to not even look at the street address to the meet up spot. Nope. Just know the general area of the race location, and drive until you get there – even into construction, because there’s construction on the streets you would have taken.

I can’t with this dude. But I have to. Because fate somehow selected us for each other. #IChooseYou #WeAlreadyKnowIMakeBadChoices … And today’s choice is no different. Well, it’s not a bad choice, but it’s ill-advised like a mofo. You know there’s a 5k option, right? You know that’s NOT what we’re doing, right? Yup. I’ve talked CJC #TheWorldsOkayestRunner and (running)Hubby into running the 12K. Because she can’t complete her #iRunTheBay Challenge on some punk ass 5K and I won’t let him do it because he doesn’t listen to me anyway, so he’s never quite sure of what’s he is signed up to run. I’m not a very good friend.

We make it. I have to admit it. But like I’m going to say it. Whatevs. We are in line with CJC ready to take these school buses across the bridge. Because the awesome thing about the 12K is that you run across the Golden Gate. Okay, I take it back. Today is going to be awesome. My first time running the Golden Gate Bridge.

Wait. Isn’t the bridge high? Meaning, we’ll have to run UP to it? Meaning, this really isn’t a flat course? Like at least the first few miles of it? FFAAAWWWKKKK! Did I tell yall just how much I hate hills and inclines? I don’t want to do this. I really don’t.

And while I am pondering the fate of my calf muscles…

So, just like San Jose…we’re going to run together?

You realize you left me? At the end. You took off. We didn’t finish together.

We’re running together! I’m not going to leave you! I promise!

     

      *looks over at CJC…she knows these are lies*

*CJC shrugs*

START: Sure. We’re going to run together. Sure we are #LiesToldByRunningHusbands

Mile 1: This fool didn’t even pace with me to the Mile 1 Marker. He ain’t loyal at all. I can’t.

Mile 2: I should have known better. I need to read the elevation maps of these courses before the race. Well, maybe I shouldn’t. No way would I have done this knowingly. #ShouldaDidThe5K

Mile 3: Okay, fine. This view from the bridge is beautiful. Lemme get these good selfies in!

Mile 4: What does this truck say? You’re Almost There Almost where? Almost finished? Man, yall keep on lying to me. First my (running)Husband, now this. #CantWin

Mile 5: I’m so hungry, Lord. Please be a banana from a kind stranger. Maybe this motorcycle club gentlefellow holding up traffic so I can pass by slowly has one. No? You don’t? Keep running? Eh.

Mile 6: That fool (read: running husband) better be at the finish line with food. Or. Else.

Mile 7: And a taco. With bacon on it. Or do I want pancakes and a grape soda? Nawww – Eggrolls! Yasssss! With some sushi on the side? All of that. Running baby (read: stomach cramps and hunger pains) is kicking inside.

Mile 7(0.4): A gottdamn hill right before the finish? Yall ain’t right. This is cruel and unusual punishment! Making me earn these medals and miles hunh?

         

Finish: Not even a bottle of water for me. I can’t with this dude. Yes, I’m thirsty! Imagine me being thirsty after, I don’t know, running??? O_o

But CJC is smiling from her Calf muscles to Coast! That medal looks GREAT on her! I could be more proud, but my legs hurt, so I’m like 85% proud and 15% in pain. Nothing like setting out to achieve something, and doing it…and doing it well! She gets out on this pavement and finds a way to be great every race. Her smiles, her hugs, her unwavering support of everyone, and her commitment to herself. This is the stuff my running crew is made of.

But that’s running for you. Something about it changes you. I think the running crew is pretty secure in the thought that we are conquerors…that we can achieve great things. But something about THIS thing – running – brings out another dimension to it. At least for me anyway. Perhaps because there was a time when I really believed I could not do this – then I figured out I could, that every running achievement, no matter how small is mind blowing? 13.1 miles was once impossible – and only impossible because I believed that.

Anyway, you love us. We’re the most amazing running crew full of serious (read: LOL, that was hella funny to you too?) athletes you know.

And even though he didn’t have water for me, he made sure our running baby got something to eat. I suppose he’ll get a pass this time.

#15ThingsIn2015 Challenge

5 new states (Louisiana – 1 down, 4 to go)

4 new friends (OldieButNewbie #RunningHubby; My Child – 2 down, 2 to go)

3 new running events (Shamrock Half; St Charles Road Race – 2 down, 1 to go)

2 back-to-back running events

1 Half Marathon PR

Trust Your Body #Race14Medal13 #ChallengeMedal2

Remember that time I had this really awesome (not awesome) idea to run races on back to back days. I mean how could I have possibly learned anything from Doing The Double or San Jose earlier this month. I flunked the class that experience taught.

But I showed up every day. On time. In the front row. Taking worthless notes.

This was an awesome running weekend on paper though. Not only did it mark the “end” of #14in2014, it was the conclusion of 2 race series challenges. I Run The Bay  & I Run The Coast. Which have now been effectively dubbed, The California Takeover. #IOwnCalifornia

I’m the most amazing person you know. I was born excellent. Matter of fact, when I was born, my Mommie gave me a high 5. Because dammit I delivered myself in half the time! The fact that you know me shows not only that there is a Divine Being, but that He too wants you to be something special.

I am your example in life. Look upon me with all your wonder. I mean you’ll never actually be me, but aspire. I am physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally and intellectually unable to commune with you. Yet you love me, because I benevolently choose to exist in this world with you.

Now that we got that cleared up....let the running begin.

Start: Please, please, please don’t be a hero. After this you have to fly to Los Angeles and run again. Take it easy. Slow and steady gets the medal. Wait, is the path blocked by that hill right there? We have to run up that? #disrespectful

Mile 1: Um, okay. So another wilderness run. More kids running like they breathe through their pores. Why didn’t challenge myself to this 20 years ago?

#theymakeitlooksoeasy #theyhavdnolifestrugglesweighingthemdown #ihatechildren *Maleficient Mean Mug*

Mile 2: *older ginger lady and ginger kid approaches on the left* Did you do this race last year? To which I huffed, No....and then she goes.... You remind me of this woman last I saw year running. You've got a great steady pace. I couldn't keep up with her, and I thought you were her...and I said to myself, 'Im gonna beat her! Grrrrr'…

*thinking* Did this lady just growl at me with her kid here? Man, running brings out the worst in people.

Mile 3: *my calf muscles finally get the memo about the weekend* FUM we gotta do this again?! Hell to the naw! Oh you stopping at every water station, and if you even think about stopping to take a picture mid run, you will NEVER wear heels again! *hangs head in shame*

Mile 4: That gottdamn hill again. Oh, and he is pushing a stroller up it. I don’t feel bad about myself. At all.

Mile 5: I’m over this. Like really. I feel like this is dumb and the fact that I’ve convinced other people that its fun is a sign that I’m in the wrong business.

Mile 6: I want some bacon. *ginger lady approaches* She might kill herself in front of her kid trying to keep up with me....and I’m slow.

Mile (6)0.2: That medal better be everything I remembered in March. #ItWasJustADream #QueueUpErro

Finish: I want to go home.

Not gonna lie, I felt a little defeated at the finish. I cannot get over the speed thing. I LOVE doing these kinds of events with friends, but I LOATHE that they always have to wait on me. As fast as I go, I’m still soooo slow.

I crossed the finish line, looking up for the exit to the Golden Gate Fields track. I reached for my medal, took my headphones off and saw them. Each one of my friends waiting on me. With their medals and their smiles...and the photographer. CJC said to her, We're ready to take our group picture now.

It’s hard to describe what that gesture meant to me. I was so overwhelmed by pure, genuine, loving emotions that I did what I do best. Avoid them. I turned my inner Leo up to the “hella extra” setting and went in. I couldn’t deal with those feelings. They touched at the heart of something really sensitive, something really vulnerable, something terribly difficult for me to accept.

I am a runner. I have the shoes, the bib, the tech tee and the nearly over-drafted bank account to prove it. But I don’t always feel like one. I don’t feel like I look like one, whatever that means, or that I can be counted into the brother/sisterhood of running because I’m not fast. It bothers me so much. It takes the fun out of it.

But not one of them seemed to care. At all. Not even a little bit. They didn’t seem to care about what time I finished. They only cared that I finished. I’ve been telling people all year that it only matters that they start and finish. I don’t care how they do it...all the medals look the same. I need to stop caring so much about how I do it. There are people who are inspired by it. Like this guy. What’s crazy is that my friends, the whole lot of them said the same thing to me on Saturday. I felt so much shame in that moment. When I read his words, I felt really tears began to swell in my eyes. I finally got it.

This Race: Let’s Go 510, 10K, Oakland CA
Medaled Miles to date: 73.67 miles

Total Raced Miles to date: 86.77 miles 

1 Medal To Go ǁ 93% Complete

(2 Challenge Medals ǁ 107% Complete)

We Are Spartans... #Almost #ThisAugust #ImNotSmart

If you don’t believe peer pressure is a real thing, then you:

a)    …are an only child who was home schooled prior to social media.

b)    …don’t have a single friend. Not even on one of the readily available internets.

c)     …don’t log on to GChat while at work.

I swear, some of the dumbest idea’d stuff I’ve ever idea’d or agreed to, was confirmed in a gchat with one of my “friends”. I call them “friends” because either they’re posing as friends, or we define the word “friend” differently.

You have no idea what you just agreed to do. #Gotcha

So, in this last gchat session, we have my “friend” CJC. Yes folks, she’s back again. Usually she is on the receiving end of a dumb idea I’ve idea’d, but not on this day. Nope. As it would take too long for you to read our entire gchat…and you would probably lose your job from the uncontrollable emotion coming from your #waitforit, office, I figured I would share a couple of pieces of the exchange...

Wanna read it? Here it go…

CJC: So………(I should have known something was up with all that extra punctuation) you know how you always said you wanted to run a Spartan race? Uh no. Actually, I don’t. …you get free admission to the race… Okay, I’m listening. Maybe this was something I always wanted to do. …so I and YOU do it for free???? You down???? I don’t know what this is, but it’s free. Of course I’m down.

CJC: The sprint is only 3+ miles…we can do it! You’re right! I can do 3 miles. *somehow, I forgot there was a “+” next to the 3 miles*

Me: *clearly sold on this idea with only the aforementioned information* Do we get medals?

CJC: HUGE ONES *I’m SOLD!* …and the right to brag that you are a Spartan…only the cool kids get to do that. Wait. I am cool. You damn right I gotta do this! You’re an amazing friend CJC. I absolutely love you.

You know how to "skip", right?

*oh, I’ve already signed up before I know anything about the medals or being a cool kid for doing this, or what the “+” means next to the 3…in case you were wondering about that*

CJC: So let me tell you…I am sore as hell right now from the training…get familiar with burpees, push ups, sit ups…that kind of stuff…LOL.

Me: *You’re sore from the training…that’s odd? Um, I don’t drink soda really, so I’m not sure what you mean about that burping thing… Push up? Sit up? Wait, what the F is this? I don’t see anything funny in this gchat.*

Me: I can’t just run? *I mean, this is a medal race, right? #14in2014, right?*

CJC: Girl…you wish! Running is the FURTHEST thing on your mind.

*insert Real Tears here*

Me: *crying from my side of the internet* Is there a training plan or something?

CJC: Yeah…you wanna know the one I did last year or the real one? *WTF?! They make knock off training programs for this –ish? #ICANT*

CJC: Can you climb a rope? Crawl under barbed wire? Scale a 6 foot wall? If you don’t do an obstacle, you have to do 30 burpees.

Me: *No. Why? You can’t be seriously asking me that. I DON’T DRINK SODA! What is with this burping nonsense!* cries, just a little *googles burpee: Um, do 30 WHAT?!?!!?!? I’m an idiot*

*by this time I’ve emailed Alicia maKeykey about it and tagged her in a post on Facebook…she comments back about there being a BBQ at the event because she saw a picture with fire*

Me: *scared out of my mind* There’s no fire? Right? O_o

CJC: I am so glad that you sign up first…then ask questions. *Dear UCLA, I have done nothing with that degree you gave me. Signed, Idiot.*

Me: Flames? *as in there are multiple flames* You not about to have me looking like MJ! I have a perm!

CJC: The flames aren’t that high. It’s a small pit honestly. Honestly? Honestly you are out of your gottdamn mind! That’s me, being honest.

*I’ve finally gotten the bright idea to get BACK on the website and look at the FAQ’s*

I'm an idiot. An idiot who's not done yet.

We have signed up to do a SPARTAN RACE. More specifically, the Spartan Sprint. The Spartan Sprint is a 3+ miles run with 15+ obstacles. The organizers of this event state that there is fire, mud, water, barbed wire, and occasionally Hell on Earth… Oh, okay. That’s all? I guess I’m supposed to not feel any kind of way about that last thing, because it happens on occasion and not all the time and I’m saved? Oh. Okay.

Somehow, this is a sprint because it only contains 15+ obstacles. Which isn’t a lot. Because 15+ isn’t a large number at all. Because it is the least amount of obstacles in a Spartan Race. Yeah, sure. Okay.

It also happens that my “friend” CJC has done one of these events before. Remember when I said that this was the Sprint? As in the shortest distance and least amount of obstacles? Yeah. She did the Beast. As in, first there’s the Sprint (3+ miles, 15+ obstacles), then there’s the Super (8+ miles, 20+ obstacles) and completing the trifecta (because you’ve got all the time in the world to do this 3 times in a calendar year) is the Beast (12+ miles, 25+ obstacles). There is even an Ultra Beast. But when some brave soul inquired if they were tough enough to do it, the response was probably not. I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to be okay. But, okay.

Did I mention my CJC did the Beast first?

I did?

I’m not okay.

The Little Old Lady Behind The Blog

“What are you? A 95 year old woman?”

Yes CJC. Yes I am.

It’s funny because it’s so true. For as young as I look, I’m really just an old lady in a 30 year old uniform. I could sit and play cards all day talking about “...‘member when so & so...”, eat cabbage and cornbread for supper, and fall to sleep to Pat & Vanna making dreams come true at the spin of the wheel. Meeting my old lady friends at Macy’s for the One Day Sales in my matching leopard printed everything and Sizzler for lunch! Home by 6pm, sleep by 8pm.

That could be my life and I would be content. 

But it’s not my life. In fact, I’m living life like a 30-something pretty convincingly; until it comes to one thing.

Technology.

Yes. This is my phone. And I FB from it.

I could use my laptop in place of my free weights. My phone is the Sprint equivalent of a sidekick and I Love It! I almost had an emotional breakdown in January when I thought I would have to upgrade to a smart phone – in the middle of the Spring Store. Until last year, I used an mp3 player to run/workout with. The same type my girls got me for Mother’s Day in Arkansas, circa 2007/8. I have an iPod touch now. It came in the mail. Unexpectedly from one of my past RHDs who had heart palpitations when I told her what I was planning to do one day...

Me: I can’t believe I lost my mp3 player! Dang. Now I have to get another one... I’m missing hella workouts... *clap*clap* no music *clap*clap*

Her: Another one what? An iPod? Right?

Me: Girl bye! I’on know how to use that mess! 

Her: But you use an iPad! IT’S THE SAME THING!!! But smaller...

Me: No, my students show me how to use an iPad. When they gone I’m over here f’ing up all the settings and stuff. *and that one guy...who fixed my iPad up for me*le sigh* 

What I’m about to do, is go to Best Buy and get me an mp3 player. If it makes you feel any better, I’ll ask for the best one.

Her: No. No it doesn’t. Please don’t do that. Nobody is going to help pick out a damn mp3 player.

Me: Maybe. Email me a link to that iPod thingie and I’ll see...

...sees the price of the iPod touch...

Me: You out yo’ damn mind you think I’m going to spend that much for something I’ll have to read the instructions manual for – twice – just to play music that I still have CDs for! Jesus did not die on the cross for that...

...2 weeks later...

Me: OMG! I just love surprises!!!! What is this? I wonder who sent it!!

-_- Oh. An iPod touch. #fcuk

I didn’t know what a selfie was. I knew it was something having to do with “self” #SATprep but in the context of conversations had no idea. I thought FaceTime was wanting to talk to someone face-to-face, like in real life and not through a smart device. Someone asked to snap chat me, I thought that meant take my picture and discuss it. When I realized I could bank from these things (smart devices), like deposit a damn check bank, you would have thought Noah and the Ark just passed by from the look on my face. Playing music from these things in your car literally blew my mind. And when Eboogie told me about the BUMP app, I had a Fred Sanford inspired moment. If you say something to me and I look a little confused, I’m just trying to remember it long enough to look it up on Urban Dictionary. Like “shaking it like a red nose” – apparently that has nothing to do with Rudolph twerking. #WhoKnew?

I suppose there are some actual reasons why I’m reluctant to travel to this technological century with you all. It’s hella expensive. When car notes are greater than or equal to the price of the phone, that’s problematic for me. Or how fragile they are. I had seen so many cracked iPhone screens, I thought they came that way, like it was a cool effect or something. 

But then I realized that it’s the 95 year old lady in me. And she walks into the room unnoticed because everyone is lost in the smartness of their device. Like at trivia, when we realize all the obscure things we used to know, before we became students of Just Google It University #JGIT. I knew that He-Man was from Eternia, but couldn’t remember that Battle Cat’s name was Cringer. I kept saying, “It starts with a “g”, or something, I think...” #welostpoints. Or, how we stopped, to varying degrees, relying on our instincts to get around. Instead we “map our route” to places we’ve been before. I have driven to LA from the Bay Area so many times, I could do it blindfolded. But, when I went last October,my first thought was, “Where is my GPS? #storage #damn #waitIknowwhereI'mgoing #atleastIthinkIdo...”

Don’t get me wrong. There are wonderful things that come with living in the virtual world with all of you. It’s certainly gotten me out of a situation here or saved the day there. 

I’d just rather write you. A letter. And put a stamp on it. And mail it. I mean a text is cool, and FaceTime is awesome, but something about it just doesn’t connect to the “95 year old lady who had difficulty taking selfies until CJC showed her that you could press that side button thingie this weekend-but it's still kinda hard-can you help me?” in me. 

I know that one day, probably soon, I’ll have to join you all. When that day comes know that...

1.    I’ll cry real tears.

2.    I’ll have lots of questions. Hella questions.

3.    I’ll say things like, “Now what did I do with that phone thingie...”

4.    I’ll probably squint as I look at the screen and hold it up, and far, and away, like I’m near sighted.

5.    I’ll look like a deer in headlights when you show me how to do something on it that Every 6 Year Old Everywhere can do.

6.    I’ll cry real tears. 

I’m going to hold out. I’m going to be the Miss Irrelevant of smart phones. And, I think I’m excited about this. *posing for my photo shoot*