Maro Being Messy #polo

So, I’m on new technology again. Ugh. I got bullied by a #YAMP into joining Marco Polo. Then, I bullied some other people into joining it because why should I be the only one to suffer? I was okay with that being the extent of my polo’ing. But, because technology is far more advanced than me, er’body and they mama’nem on Marco Polo got a notification that my petty ass was “finally” on. It’s a celebration, bishes – I guess. *shrugs*

...and no, i don't have an iPhone #DriodNation

Anyway, I get polo’s and whatnot. And summa’yall get replies that look kinda like Tami Roman’s bonnet chronicles because before I realize I’m on camera (by my own doing) I have already assumed my natural form. My bad, yall #WhoRaisedMe?.

Well, my running-mate-middle-name sake sent me a polo. Scratch that mate part; she’s running #inspiration #goals, and also my middle-name sake. She sent me a polo (am i using that right? is it called a polo?), and we gotta work through this one together. Here is an excerpt:

“I love this. I love being able to like talk to you and stuff. I’m so glad we, you know, made this connection, years ago – and you know sometimes, it takes a while for things to come full circle or whatever, but you know, I’ve always felt like, you know, you had this thing about you, this positivity, and this, um, this really, this confidence and this “can do”, and that-that’s something that, I really – really like and I’m attracted to in people and so, you know, high five… *high five in the camera*”

She gave me a high five yall *insert thug tear here* She said I had a thing, yall #MamaIMadeIt ...and then she continued on with the other parts of her life that included the humans she deducts on her taxes, with the human she married, and their dinner plans. Because, I think she subconsciously knew that me listening to words like that might make a player like me feel emotional and whatnot. Which ain’t the best look, because we don’t do feelings with recorded proof.

I have all the questions now, for which I have to write an answer because that’s also my thing.

Do you know how people experience you? Like for real. The people you know, interact with, meet, etc – can you say, that you know for certain how they experience you? And, if you do happen to have that information (like I just got from her), do you experience yourself the same way? Are you the same way you are to people as you are to yourself? If not, are you better? Worse? And why? How do you feel about that? Are you even able to answer that honestly?

I think I know how people experience me, but not in a way that I hold in my conscious mind. Does that make sense? I get feedback from people who are in my life, which is typically like a B/B- or something. I get a passing grade, but I don’t feel like I’m on the Dean’s List or anything. Remember, the world could come undone and this could be our last minute on Earth and I would still never share my sweet potato cookies, so like, I’m not exactly the A student I think I am.  I own this about myself. I accept me, flaws and all. #ImmaTrainWreck

I absolutely do not experience me in the way my running-inspiration-middle-name sake experiences me. Positivity? Can-do? Confidence? Girl, bye. Something so attractive that I seek myself out? C'mon, sis... I’m not nearly as good to myself as I am to her and that makes me sad. She and I made a connection almost a decade ago, and well, I made the connection to me long before that. Look how I treat myself. I have to force mental and verbal affirmations of goodness, and positivity, and love to myself! I feel like I’m lying to me when I do it.

My first thought was to not believe her. Isn’t that crazy? Who just sends people messages packed with words they really don't believe (well, yeah some people do, but that’s another post…also #WhoRaisedThem?)? Sure she got Marco’s messy ass notification that I was on Polo like er’body and they mama’nem, but she definitely didn’t have to do a polo on me (i think i did that wrong). She’s a full-time woman, mother, wife, working professional, and running badass – who has the time when you have little humans to oversee and early morning runs/workouts to beast?

I feel so much gratitude for her though, and her words. For her being, for her life, and for the way she made a little room for me in it on her commute home. Maybe this was just a really long thank you to her, and to that #YAMP who made me get on the app. And that petty ass friend who sent me a polo reminding me about how I lament joining new technologies - because yall, I really don’t wanna get lost in the Matrix, have we learned nothing from Neo??? – but I always come around and I love them.

Maybe this was just a really long thank you.

…and homework.

If you are anything like me, then you’ve probably got some work to do because God ain’t through with you yet, on today (because i love you, Bethany). Find someone in your life who does that thing I apparently do for my running-inspiration-middle-name sake. Call them, send a polo, type a ridiculously long text (and pray they don’t respond back “k”), or do something archaic like tell them in a face to face encounter. Reveal to them the way you experience them, and how it makes you feel.

I promise what happens next is nothing short of magic. It’s better than Disney. Trust me. I did the research. Waiting on my grade to post.