The Work Will Go On. #JustLikeTheShow

*queues up theme music to Titanic*

Some time ago, I left a position. This clearly isn’t news because people leave jobs all the time for all manner of reasons, right? I am thinking of this one in particular because of the thought that came to me when I got this message from a former colleague:

          Girl, do you know we still haven’t filled your position!

The thought you ask?

          I know. [..and also, because I’m petty, HHAAAA!!! That’s what yall get!]

I mean, c’mon. If you can’t check me [boo], you damn sure can’t replace me [love]. Like, there are so many mathematical models that prove this equivalency.

And I went on with life taking that for face value. I mean, I knew that the work was being done. How many times had I been in meetings in which the other duties as assigned bullet point on my position description was highlighted and my exempt status duly noted? Too many. The organization [most times me] figured out how to get the work done in the wake of a vacancy near my place on the organizational chart.

I never held that in my consciousness, though. All I could think about was my not being there. Who is managing the day to day administrative tasks? What about all of the relationships I facilitated (and fixed) with industry partners and collaborators? The weekly, monthly, annual traditions - will someone remember them? And the shortcuts in the database?! I discovered quirks, developed work-arounds, and trained staff. Sure, the operation of these tasks are industry standards and knowledge, but I made them work in a way that well, only I can make work, (right?). When I leave, how will they work? (my life is littered with questions; i literally question everything)

The truth? The how doesn’t matter. The point is, they implement their best ‘make it work’ moment when they can’t just make it work EVERY *clap* SINGLE *clap* TIME *clap* someone leaves. There is never a time where the job doesn’t get done, even if the done-ness is not doing the job because magically that was okay considering the circumstances. It gets figured out without you. When you move on, however it is you decide to depart, they move on from you too [boo].

Foolishly, I believed that somehow MY doing it mattered. It mattered to me. It mattered to the people/projects/processes I served. It mattered to the organization. All of those are true. They are true AND they are time defined. Once I left the organization, the idea that MY doing it was going to impact the organization’s ability to get it done did not matter at all. The individuals I served maybe preferred my services to another, but they still need the services so whoever is doing it (or not) matters. And now that I am gone, why in the world does it matter to me? It’s in the past, right?

Well, our wise friend Rafiki would point out that the past still hurts. That’s probably why whatever it is you’re feeling about whatever it was is totes a thing. We have a choice to run from it (to that next position) or learn from it (in that new opportunity).

What did I learn?

photo taken from: podcast.elyserobinson.com

Let it go. *queues up Toni Braxton then Frozen because Disney movies are far better baby-sitters than me* We often think that letting go is the writing of that resignation letter; the move across country; the leap of faith; or the first day in that new role. Those are part of letting go, but if you’ve ever had a bad break up, then you know that the day you agree (or disagree) to end it isn’t always the day you let go. Letting go for me was accepting that I am an amazing professional with an exemplary work ethic who goes above and beyond to get the job done exceptionally well AND the organization will absolutely replace me the day I leave BOTH coexist harmoniously in a place where I am valuable and they are not (always) villains. Everyone did what they had to do. That’s life. There is no need to pass judgment on each other for doing as our nature demands.

Get rid of the guilt. Even when our leaving is because the position isn’t fulfilling, in whatever ways we need to be filled full, there is a lingering guilt - especially in helping and people facing professions. Humans naturally build relationships and deep connections with colleagues and constituents. Intersect that with the amount of time the (above) average person spends at work, and you are leaving behind a huge part of your life, not just a job. They’re staying. You’re choosing to leave. And you know once you do, everything about their experience staying will somehow be a little less because you are leaving. People with heartbeats feel ‘some kind of way’ about this. To whatever degree this is felt, you carry a little guilt with you to that next experience. For me, getting rid of the guilt was acknowledging it was THE thing nagging at me and not my reasons for leaving.

What you leave behind often finds you where you go (if you let it). I get that I’m not like most people. I make friends with strangers - literally. Since I was a little girl; it’s how I got lost all the time. Seriously (I get lost y'all). I’m never afraid to say hello or introduce myself (unless it’s related to someone super handsome, then I’m totes awkward, but I digress). I have moved across the country, with stops in almost all the regions to start my so called life all over again. Within a few months everyone knows me because I’m Southern and Baptist, so I introduce myself to everyone when I walk into rooms. Even with that, I get so anxious that I won’t have the people, the friends, the connections, the hook-ups, the happy hours - I won’t have the life I had before and I loved that before life. In a year’s time, people who’ve lived in the area their whole lives have learned something new/exciting about their hometown from something I accidentally discovered. I know what you are leaving behind is wonderful. Just know that there is wonder where you’re going too. Now get there and fill it until it’s full (and overflowing).

Some time ago, I left a position. This clearly isn’t news because people leave jobs all the time for all manner of reasons, right? I am thinking of this one in particular because my path crossed with someone leaving their position for a life with a less clear path. I said things to them that I didn’t realize I knew. I didn’t realize I believed these things until they came out of my mouth like my sport babblings.

There’s more to say. So much things to say. But I will have to continue it later.

I have some wonder of my own to fill so it can get full (with some overflow).