Getting To The Core...

In late December, a friend asked a question. She asked our group (of women) to share what their Core Desired Feelings for 2014 would be, as she is fascinated by the concept of speaking aloud her wants, her needs, her desires. Not so fascinating to me. More like scary. For her, speaking them aloud helps with the accountability process. Now that they have been spoken, people will ask about it. Hold her to it. Inquire about her progress. Keep it at the forefront of my mind.

There is life left in you yet young GirlieGurl. #InYourCore

The core. It’s at the center of everything. It’s what gives a thing value. It holds it together. Core training is so important to the human body because everything is connected to the core. You may not eat the core of the fruit, but locked inside it is the key to life anew. That’s what makes these things so important. So terrifying. But so awesome and so necessary.

Speaking aloud my feelings tends to have the opposite impact on me than it does my friend. Once I say them, they become real. That frightens me! Hearing them gives them life. I can feel the heat rising to my head as I blog. What happens if I don’t get them? What happens if they are unachievable? I don’t know, what if I decide to change them? There are so many variables to consider! eeek!

But I’m trying to do better, so I participated in the activity. My Core Desired Feelings for 2014 (as written in December 2013) were as follows:

1.A love unspeakable. #hopefullyIcanwriteitsinceIwantittobespeechless

2.Courageous!! I wanna see you be brave Nateezy! #sarabareilles

3.Relax(ed), Relate(d), Release(d)! I want to be able to always channel my inner Whitley Gilbert…and get a good giggle [out of life].

4.The Will To Give! Mostly because it feels so damn good. Especially when they don’t know it’s coming #CheckYourMail

5. Uncomfortable. …and not in an unsettled, bad, anxious way…but in a way that I’m forced to do something different, try something different, maybe become a different me #KeyshiaCole (um...where she been?)

I said wrote it. I put it out there. And you think they sounds crazy, hunh? See, I knew you would. That’s exactly why I didn’t want to do this in the first place. I don’t really believe that #WellKinda. It’s just what I was thinking at the moment so I thought I would share it with you.

We are halfway done with 2014, I guess we should check my progress…

A Love Unspeakable. Well it’s more like a love unspoken.  I’ve pretty much avoided this part of my life because it’s well…depressing. And you don’t get a medal for it. So there’s that.

Grade: Incomplete. Fail. Didn’t even try. Summer School or nah?

Courageous!! Professionally, I have gotten more in touch with my inner Sarabi. I have spoken in my true, genuine, thoughtful voice, when it was unpopular to do so. But more importantly, when my words were contrary to the group. It’s always a risk. Saying the right thing, when it appears to be the one thing no person is ready to hear or confront. But saying it (and hearing it) challenges and grows you. I still have more to do, but I’m satisfied so far.

Grade: B+

Relax(ed), Relate(d), Release(d)!! I haven’t been in tune with my inner Whitley Gilbert as I would have hoped to be this year. Emotional stress is something else. I’ve been wandering around old wounds that I should really allow my medical health professional to attend to…ASAP. It’s just so much. Almost to the point of embarrassment. Hurts too much, ya’know? But, the running has been helping in this effort. When it gets too big, when it becomes too much, when I cannot make heads, tails or otherwise, I give it away to the pavement. I’ve gotten into a great relationship with my Asics and Saucony’s. We love each other very much. I cheat on them from time to time, but I always come back. Always.

Grade: C

The Will To Give!! This one got off to a rough start this year. It’s been a tough one at work and I haven’t been in a mood to surprise people with gifts like normal. However, I have made great strides in this area. There was the #InvoiceIncidentInApril that brought a friend tons of joy. That one honestly was some of my best work. Without numbering or naming them, I have done some kind things this half of the year. I am pleased with my ability to give and I am working to do more and better!

Grade: A+

Uncomfortable. This one hasn’t been achieved yet. But it isn’t so much for a lack of trying. I love to have fun. I enjoy a great adventure. I’ll engage in a conversation with a complete stranger. I am not sure what it will take for me to get that uncomfortable feeling. I have traveled alone – internationally. I am not adverse to public transportation. I’ll try a new food with little convincing. I am going to have to go back to the drawing board on this one and get a little creative. If I rank ordered these core feelings, this one would be #2. I really want to stretch myself here.

Grade: I need tutoring.

I am glad that she asked the question. That she checked in with us about these feelings. Lord knows I really want these things for myself. Maybe I need to hashtag them as a goal for the year or something, like I did running. I’m more than halfway done with my races. I probably could have knocked this out in a few weeks with some (real) dedication. Maybe not a few weeks, but you know what I mean. I want these feelings like I want these medals.

Nothing to it but to do it. Or at least to figure out how.

What do you want for 2014? What are your core desired feelings?