Someone
once said that leadership wasn’t about being better than everyone else. But
rather, being better than a former self. Your former self, specifically. If one
is better than they once were, they may perhaps possess what it takes to be a
leader. Humph. Well, perhaps…
So…
Year Two
of this #EpicSummerRun
and
I have returned to the precise location where I did just that. I, just a year ago,
almost to the day, realized that I was better than my former self. Only I had
no idea that was even happening. I had no idea it was a thing. Uh, you know why
I was there… #Medals
As
such, I PR’d my half marathon time. I PR’d that very first half
marathon (ever) time by 32 minutes #Vegas2011
#MedalessMonday #NeverForget and that last half
marathon #Vegas2013 before
#EpicSummerRun2014 by 17 minutes. I killed those Rock n Roll Las Vegas times! I
suppose that I figured that I would be just a runner. Definitely not a good
one. Not a runner I would describe as bad either #ImSoPerfect but
never one that would be accomplished in a way that a PR would mean something.
Gurl,
bye.
There
are too many unattended happy hours and concerts in the world to try to be
actually great on the pavement. I need more time for all of this.
So,
in all the attempting to no be great, I found some greatness. Because, I’m a
leader. The Runleader, actually. I kind of do this for fun. And, I encourage
other people to do it for (my) fun too. Because, that’s
definitely a thing.
I
am the Runleader. I didn’t really put much emphasis into that running part, but
I have been all over the leading #ImALeo #ItComesNaturally.
Encouraging my people to get out there and run! From the runners who don’t know
that they are really great runners, to the runners who are mostly walkers, but
jog sometimes – eff you! They are great too! Watching them start. And meeting
their new selves when they finish. Sore. Tired. Weary. Mentally Spent. Smiling.
Medal around the neck. Complete.
I
take so much from them. And they have no idea just how much it sustains me. But
they don’t always get to see that though. The Runleader has much to do. But,
while I’ve been leading, I’ve been doing some running myself.
…and,
well, err, shaved 6 minutes off my “fastest” time…no matter how long or short
it took me to haul ass 13.1 miles…6 gottdamn minutes is a big deal! 6 minutes? 6 minutes? Not 5 minutes, or 4 minutes, but
6 minutes?
*in
my A.I. voice*
…do you know what could happen in 6 minutes?
You could…
…walk
into a 7-11 twice, make a cherry cola slurpee, by a $2 scratch off for your
(race)wife, say Hey to
the clerk, remember that you forgot to get a ginger ale – grab one, then go
back to the ginger ale’s because you want to confirm the price, then you realize
you can get 2 of them for $2.22 – and you know your (race)wife is going to say
something about spending almost $2 for 1 when you could have paid an additional
$0.22 and gotten 2 of them, and you ain’t trying to hear that, so you grab
another one, pay for it, get back in your car, and have like a minute to spare.
6 minutes??? Even
damn Doug E. Fresh knew what a big deal 6 minutes was…even he needed a 6 minute alert
so he could be “on”…6 MINUTES! He was like, Bruh…let me know when I got
6 minutes. I wanna make sure I’m ON. And they were like, Cool…no problem Doug.
Since
leadership is about being better than the person you once were, maybe I wasn’t
much of a leader because I sure as the sun is shining in the middle kingdom did
not expect this. I was like legit surprised when I saw the unofficial time
posted. I know Alicia & Dr. Splits were thinking, wheeetttt
is wrong with her?
because that scream came from my soul like Shug singing
for that redemptive hug from Daddie #GetYourHealingShug
#IWasThereForThat.
Like I just knew that it wasn’t going to be better than anything I’ve done. And
I was already looking for excuses while the pages loaded. I’m supposed to be
great, but I just “knew” I wasn’t on this day. My
knee waasss hurting…
I didn’t get enough sleep… I didn’t get a good pre-run stretch in…
Perhaps those things were true, but were they the real reasons? All of these
obstacles, known and unknown, but really the real one… Me. And how I feel about her. Myself with these issues, yo.
And
perhaps you too. It could be running. Or maybe it’s some other form of elite
athleticism #ImASeriousAthlete, or
something else. But why is it, often on the brink of success, we choose to
steal our own greatness? I need only think it and I could be it. I could be the
one. But the thought of it is so far beyond me, it’s like I’d need to daily
drink the blood of a unicorn to sustain it. Or go on a Narnian quest to find
it. It requires something I don’t already possess. And it’s so perfect, so
great, so rare, that it can’t be found in any old place, right? Right.
Everything
about that is accurate. It does require something that I don’t possess – Confidence.
That thing isn’t just in any old place. It’s inside of me, lost in my
brokenness. Where all my failures, unlearned lessons, and mistake keep me
hostage like hugs in San Diego #someonewillseewhatididthere. With
just a little courage, I could unbind my confidence and be great.
Until
then, I’ll just keep showing up. You won’t believe how hard that is to do, even
after all of this running. Occasionally, I’ll do something a great person would
do, you know? Like PR. Be great on accident. Or I’ll get a little help from the
universe. Willing me to be great and whatnot.
I’ll
keep being the Runleader the crew needs, until I can be the confident runner I
need.
What you still need
to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests
everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil,
but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons
we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most
people give up. #TheAlchemist
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