Jazzsplanations

I have spent an inordinate amount of time and money at SF Jazz! If I ever come up missing and there isn’t a race scheduled that weekend, check the SF Jazz event calendar. I’m probably there, en route there, or rushing to BART to get to the last Caltrain to take that trek home. I hate driving in San Francisco.

I digress.

Earlier this month I spent time with three lovely people at SF Jazz. If you are looking back at the calendar to see who was performing, you won’t find it. It was a Member’s Only event. Yeah, remember my Jazz Mama? She was playing there and I had to get a membership so I could buy a ticket. You know that happened.

So now, I am benefiting from all the privileges of membership. Like this event, The Artistry of Ensemble: Wine & Jazz. See this winery wanted to give away introduce a new red blend they’ve been working on and well, us. Free wine? Yea, okay. Sit with that for a minute while we get another round.

My lovely friends and I got gussied up after work and made our way to the SF Jazz Center. Ah, that place. Every time I’m in there I feel like I’m in another world. Like I’m a little girl playing dress up, who snuck out to hang with the grownups. I’m always worried that I won’t be dressed appropriately. Then I remember not to apologize for who I am, and enjoy the show.

It was awesome seeing the looks on their faces. Like kids in a candy store, they were awe’d by everything I have come to love about SF Jazz. The ambiance, the setting, the fancy people, the staff interactions, everything! And I knew it. I was so happy. It’s so awesome when you can show and share with your friends nice things.

…until you actually show and share nice things with them. Enter Jazzsplanations.

In order for Jazzsplanations to happen, you need the following:

1.    A ratchet friend that isn’t loyal. This person will say extremely ratchet things, but when the ish hits the ratchet, they will act like they have never seen you; and

2.    A colorful lip’d friend who puts vampires on her lips because apparently red toned things are in; and

3.    A friend that…that’s…that’s…thank God he’s cute; and

4.    …and me. And my kryptonite? My smarter-than-me phone.

Now that you’ve got the friends, you have to give them access to unlimited amounts of wine. That costs them nothing. Like entrance to the venue. It must all be free. #membershiphasitsprivileges

Cute friend will wink at the bartender to ensure that your red wine pours look like your koolaid cups at dinner time. Cute friend will also avoid all forms of order, like lines, and help himself to the refreshments at his leisure. *take a selfie* Vampires for lips friend will twerk-not-twerk on elderly Caucasian men that get too close to her. She also has fabulous hair, so there’s that #heffa #sowhatyoucute. Then there’s ratchet. But before we get to ratchet, we have to talk about what’s going on.

We had a fantastic time. We learned how Luminary created their Red Wine Blend, and the singer jazzsplained music to us. With each development of the wine, she jazzsplained the instrument, the music, the development of sound I never take for granted. It was truly the artistry of ensemble. While we could have done without her singing along with the music, it was an amazing event.

So, in this beautiful room we have a group of musicians playing the soundtrack to our shenanigans. We have the director of the SF Jazz Center, the Winemaker, and a Jazz Singer, entertaining us while we swirl and chug sip our wine. The director tells us, that this event is a first of its kind. There are 2 bars set up with unlimited wine and stemware, a table set up with fancy cheeses and figs, and we are the lucky benefactors of such an event. Everyone smiles and cheers (in a calm calculated tone, cause we fancy and ish).

Enter Ratchet…

Let’s fck this sh*t up… Turn these tables over, break this glass… Turn up!

Wait. Do what?

You should never, ever, eva show and share nice things with your friends. Never. Granted, this friend had no intentions of going through with said plot. Problem was, the delivery of the line was so timely, so well choreographed, so damn believable. He leaned in, so only we four could hear the exchange like he was about to give us the crop report before the stock market opened #TradingPlaces. Before I laughed, I was like, …damn, like really tho? …is he for fake or for serious Lord? *clutched pearls and wine glass* 

#NoNeedToWasteThisThisTastyFreeWine

Just um…next time, go by yourself.