circumstantial

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circumstantial [cir·cum·stan·tial / sərkəmˈstan(t)SH(ə)l] adjective: it feels like that thing you’ve been longing for, but you know for certain that it’s not; he makes you feel the way you always wanted to feel, but you can’t be flying here and there every weekend, cause bills homey; you get that gigglie feeling on the inside, and it bugs the hell out of that logical knowing on the inside, right next to it.

M

iles give you time to think. And we all know how I fair with that thinking stuff #MeNoThinkieTooGood. I thought about all the times we’ve spent together. We had so many lovely moments. From red dresses to blue crusty foam blocks…and all of the car rides in between. Conversations about the most important things in our worlds, and shoe sales. Cause the mall is right there and I really wanna go, but we are in traffic, so he’s not so excited about another shoe store…cause looking at my feet in all the shoes and carrying all the boxes is apparently only fun for one of us. Who knew? *shrugs*

So, how do these look on me? They look fine. You said that about the other pair? Do you like these better? *done with me* Let’s face it. You’re going to get them all. Why must we do this? *in my ‘you don’t know me, you don’t know my life’ voice* No I’m not. I’m really trying to decide! I don’t want to have to buy them all. Help me out. Okay, yes, I like those better.

*****at the cash register*****

Next Shoe Lover?! So, I want these. And these…and what do you think? These too, or nah? Yeah, right? I told you. Ugh. Fine. Whatever. *store clerk to me* He’s just accepted the fact that you love shoes. You got a good one. I suppose I do.

Wait. What did you just say? You got a good what? A good sale? Oh…you said one, right? As in, reference to a person. Oh, okay. How about you suppose yourself right back to reality. In this place you have a good part-time lova’ *in my carrie bradshaw voice* #OleSexlessInThisSunnyCitySelf. On weekends, months and months apart. Ain’t no benefits being paid out for this. He doesn’t work enough hours for that. I mean, he wouldn’t be upset if the position came with benefits, but um, that work schedule would have to stay the same. So, there is that.

And you don’t work enough hours either. Not the hours you spend thinking about this – hunnie, you’d be salaried. Your actual hours are part time too. You work an occasional weekend. A conversation here and there. You sometimes think it might be some type of wonderful to have some additional hours, dental, and vision for the occasional old-age issue, but that ain’t happening. You have no responsibilities that extend beyond anything serious. Yall play house. It’s damn convincing though. The clerk had no idea that was fake.

You ever thinking about acting?

Here’s your motivation: try acting like this whole thing isn’t a big deal, okay?

Okay!

Action

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