Really Bad Life Choices

Why am I even here? You know that’s a great question. I’m here because I’m the Runleader and I love my running crew. Where’s the crew? Funny you should ask. Well, Alicia Keykey is here running with one of her homeys. I’ll catch up with her another time. Rest of the crew? Well, Pearl ain’t great, so she’s not coming, MY (running)Husband didn’t sign up because he doesn’t listen to me which sometimes makes our (running)marriage work #donthatehowwelove, and Angelica. Well, she’s on her way. Let’s just hit her up and see where she’s at…

Oh. You’re injured? You’re not coming? As in, the only reason I was doing this race was because you wanted to run it. Being, that I’m out here, with all these old wrinkly white people – for nothing? You did not have fun last year! Okay, well you kinda did, but… No. Just no.

I hate my friends. But, I love medals, so I mean, there is a silver lining. And who knows, maybe I’ll run into (not literally on today) someone I know and we can have some fun. Okay, not the end of the day. Let’s do this.

(Not Really) START: Oh, this isn’t the start line? You let me into the race about 5 blocks up from the start. *devil on my shoulder*: GURL!!!! Start running now! Literally nobody will know! Get that good 12K time!

*walks briskly to the actual start line*

(Actual) START: I should have just started running. I’m never going to be great… *le sigh*

Mile 1: San Francisco is disgusting. And, so is this race. Why am I even here? Oh, yea, Angelica. #ThatPartTho

Mile 2: You know the messed up part about this race? You don’t even finish where you start. I got to make all of these miles back up trying to get home. *approaches Hayes Hill*

Mile 3: That damn hill. Why must we not only be tortured by this hill, and what seems to be the best party ever?! OMG! If they didn’t look do drunk, dirty, disheveled, and destitute, I might try to stop and get my poorty on.

Mile 4: Yea, this was a pretty turrible idea. All of these wrinkled nekkid bodies. Was this what the 60s were like? #80sBaby

Mile 5: It’s cold. I want to go home. This isn’t fun at all. Why do I do this to myself? I’m not very good to me. I should seek help. Or wine. Seek wine to help.

Mile 6: This. Is. My. Jaaaaaammm! Yo, don’t sleep on The Band Perry! Yasss Girl! #ButterscotchHair #FirstComesTheInkThenComesTheRing *just forgot everything I thought at mile 5 and starts getting my entire life on the pavement*

Mile 7: Yes little kid. I saw that too. I know what you’re thinking. He looks like/reminds you of your grandpa and you don’t know how to deal with that. You’re contemplating your relationship with PopPop now seeing this old guy sans clothing. The PTSD you’re going to experience from this will last you a lifetime.

Mile 7(0.4): Gurl, keep looking forward. Don’t even make eye contact with the people giving out the medals. You can’t clothes-check everyone.

         

Finish: Go. Home. Now. This is just bad. I’m not sure this was even worth it. Look at this basic booty butt medal?!?! For all I just had to see? For shame Zappos! For Shame!!!!!

I’m pretty pissed at this point. This medal is so basic, I’m not sure I’ll ever intentionally show it to anyone and feel any sense of achievement. It’s turrible…just turrible. I’m sure this is going to be one of the worst #MedalMondays ever because I’ll have to show it.

I’m never doing Bay to Breakers again. And by never doing it again, I already told my friend in Arizona that I’ll let her know when the super cheap one-day registration comes out so we can do this race together.

You know, being the Runleader is a thankless job sometimes.

#15ThingsIn2015 Challenge

5 new states (Louisiana – 1 down, 4 to go)

4 new friends (OldieButNewbie #RunningHubby; My Child – 2 down, 2 to go)

3 new running events (Shamrock Half; St Charles Road Race – 2 down, 1 to go)

2 back-to-back running events

1 Half Marathon PR