The Things I Do For Medals #OCwasntEvenOnTheList

I dug. I don't race/plan/prepare too good.

I could be more excited about running with Rikki (remember her tutu nonsense) after our awesome time in Las Vegas…could be. But I’m realizing what I’ve signed up to do. It seemed like a great idea. How did it happen? Funny you should wonder.

Well, Rikki got a free race entry with her company. So, when she thought she wasn’t running, running for free seemed like a thing, so she signed up. When she shared this with me I was all proud and happy and whatnot. All of the emotions, without a single intention of doing this race, because it’s like her thing and you’re happy for her.

That is, until you find out you have to be in Southern California the Monday & Tuesday after the race you’re so excited about for Rikki. Now it’s the race that you’re doing because you don’t care about her being great all by herself, or your health. You really don’t give a damn about your health – because you already working on your pre-race party plans. #YouTotallyWantMyLife

Plans which were pretty awesome! I got to spend time with my She-Ro *long story I’ll probably never tell you about, not because it’s private, just because, wait, what was I saying* and I even got to see #ConferenceHubby for a bit. We drank and merry’d, pool’d and hot tub’d, then slept all the way back to Rikki’s… Literally one of the best days ever! #ToldYa #YouSoooooWantMyLife

START: You know… Running isn’t a bad idea. It’s actually pretty awesome. But the way you do it *yes, I’m talking to myself* sucks! You live it up at the pool with friends, drink yummy wine, eat delicious cheese dips and whatnot, then come out here to this… To only leave directly after this for a two-day work conference. Not cool ‘teezy. Not. Cool.

Mile 1: I can feel my lungs coming through my sports bra. You have no idea what kind of pressure it takes to feel that. Yes, I have on 2 sports bras. You know, not finishing is a real possibility. Did you write your medical information on the back of your bib? #OfCourseNot

Mile 2: Nope. You didn’t. And the only person who knows you is running, in this same race, ahead of you. You’re going to be somewhere on the side of the road in Orange County, gasping your last taste of smoggy air. You are hopeless.

Mile 3: You’re a hopeless dramatic. That’s what you are. Just run. Why do you always create these unfortunate life running stories? How are you this creative about your demise?

Mile 4: Okay lady. I see you attempting to pace yourself with me. You realize that’s not an accomplishment, right? An elderly woman with a dog, baby stroller and cast on her left shoulder passed me running a mile ago. You won’t even get on the honorable mention roster for beating my time.

Mile 5: So, you’re just going to run past me, then stop IN FRONT of me and start walking again? Do you realize that Rick Ross just came on my playlist? I just shot you *in my mind*…

Mile 6: But I didn’t do a good job cause you ain’t’een’die. Lemme get some Jesus music on before I try to kill you *in my mind* again.

Mile 7: Lord, please hold back the sun. I know that’s a silly thing to ask living in California and all, but I’m so dehydrated right now – and we in a drought God. I’m just not able…

Mile 8: I seriously don’t even know where I am right now. I should pay more attention. I am literally following people.

Mile 9: If this bish don’t stop this running, walking, in front of me, next to me mess, I’m going to lose my salvation! I have none to spare! It took me 2 miles to forgive that tramp. Okay. Forgive me for calling her a tramp. *puts gospel music back on*

Mile 10: I ain’t living right. Let me change this playlist again. How am I singing about being redeemed and coming up with new ways to assassinate this hussie at the same time *I didn’t call her a tramp* *okay, fine, you’re right, I know I’m wrong*

        

     Tupac – Wonder Why They Call You Bish *literally comes on*

Mile 11: Here comes the sun. Welp. That’s it. I hope they lay me to rest with my favorite medals… #HitTheMileMarker #ImSweatin

Mile 12: Wait. Get your life. You’re about to have #MedalMonday at the Chancellor’s Office with Shannnnnn. She just ran her first half marathon! Look at you committing mental felonies and whatnot. Get your entire life and medal! It’s about to be poppin!!!!

Mile 13: Man, efff #MedalMonday. I’m hella hungry! And my feet hurt. That’s what I Get for all those times I killed that evil lady in my subconscious. My feet definitely hate me.

Mile 13(0.1): The OC Fairgrounds is stupid. This whole place is dumb. I wanna go. Why are all these people looking at me? Oh….heeeeey bae! How you doin? Fancy meeting you here. Oh me? You know, just running and whatnot. Being all cute and athletic and awesome. Oh, behind me? What’s that? Oh, the person you’re actually here to see? My bad. Let me slide my delusional self out the way.

         

Finish: You need Jesus. Jesus The Christ. And every angel in His assembly. You really thought he was talking to you though? You realize the person you came here with is female, right? As in, NOBODY KNOWS YOU. #ICantLord

Unless you're me. Then finishing is kinda miraculous.

I don’t know why I think my body can do anything. Like, well. I think that my body can do anything well...very well, actually. Most normal, rationally functioning human beings, who run, would never do it the way I do it. And I know I hate it, but I do it anyway. Right? You don’t understand it either.

Just pray for me. And make mimosas for me. Do both of those things. And my feet? You could hook up a good foot rubbin’... What's that? Nah?

Okay, then. Mimosa it is.

#15ThingsIn2015 Challenge

5 new states (Louisiana – 1 down, 4 to go)

4 new friends (OldieButNewbie #RunningHubby; My Child – 2 down, 2 to go)

3 new running events (Shamrock Half; St Charles Road Race; Orange County Half – 2 down, 1 to go)

2 back-to-back running events

1 Half Marathon PR